


"New": Improved

by SecretFrog



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2157675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretFrog/pseuds/SecretFrog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Heather Jacobs, and you are Skaia High's official new kid.  Now why does that sound familiar to you?</p>
<p>This is an experiment in rewriting old fanfic to make a better story, complete with commentary and tips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Girl, New School

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [New](https://archiveofourown.org/works/831977) by [RainbowHairedGlitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowHairedGlitch/pseuds/RainbowHairedGlitch). 



> This story is a rewrite of “New” by RainbowHairedGlitch. This rewrite may be read on its own, but is best read after or alongside the original. The author’s notes after each chapter contain explanations of the changes made to the original story, and therefore discussion of fanfiction tropes in general. If you are reading this story on its own, feel free to skip the author’s notes. They will not help you understand why any of this is happening.
> 
> To put it simply (if a little unkindly), “New” is one of the best worst Homestuck fanfictions out there. At first glance, it’s a bog standard high school AU fluff fic revolving around an OC. However, it is notable for managing to hit nearly every fan fiction cliché that it possibly could directly on the head.
> 
> When I read this story, I was reminded of how I wrote my first fanfic, back when I was thirteen. Fortunately, I have not written a lot of fanfic since then, but I have been recently toying with the idea of revamping an old OC of mine to fit in a better story of his own. In the meantime, I thought it would be a fun experiment to try to do the same with “New.” As I reread the story, I found myself fascinated by how much potential was there for a story with a less fluffy twist. And so I ended up with a complete rewrite.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this experiment. Many thanks to RainbowHairedGlitch, a spectacularly nice person who I hope never loses confidence in her work, for allowing me to post this story, complete with biting commentary. PLEASE do not harass her about the original; I think I've done quite enough here.

Your name is Heather Jacobs, and you are the new chick. After “voluntarily leaving” the Alternian Academy for the Unusually Gifted, you’re attending Skaia High School, and you don’t think you know anyone at this school. Your foster parents didn’t like the change – they liked having you high on the social ladder – but you had never showed any Unusual Gifts. It had been hard to stand out or even be accepted at the Academy, where being above average was expected. But you’ll be normal at Skaia High, average. And maybe that’s a good thing, you think. …So why is it so hard to convince yourself that this isn’t going to suck?

You walk into the school and immediately remember why. The Academy had looked so much nicer than this. At least just being there made you feel special. You’re going to miss that here.

The bleak office isn’t helping. Why do schools like this feel the need to keep all their walls as white and boring as possible? The secretary (who introduced herself as Miss Parcel), had called for the kid who was supposed to be showing you around five minutes ago. So now you’re waiting on someone named Egbert. The name sounds familiar, but you can’t place it. Maybe when you actually see the kid, you’ll be able to figure it out. You tilt your head to the side, rainbow streaks of hair falling over your shoulder.

“Hello, normal,” you mumble, right before a black haired boy swoops into the office.

“Sorry, Miss Parcel! I was talking to Dave, and I lost track of time, and-” He blabbers on until Miss Parcel hushes him with an “It’s fine. She’s over there.” As she points to you, you smile. It’s not that hard to just be friendly, you suppose.

“Hey. I’m Heather.” You stand, sticking your hand out for him to shake. He turns, and his eyes widen slightly.

“No way! Heather Jacobs? It’s me, John! Y’know, from Prospit Primary?” He says, using your proffered hand to pull you into a hug.

“John? Oh my god! It’s been, like, forever!” You squeal, as the memories of the black haired boy that you built sandcastles with in the second grade come rushing back. “Well, now I know that I’ll have at least one friend.” You smirk, pulling back. He pulls away and grabs your wrist, dragging you towards the hall. “Thanks, Miss Parcel!” You call, and then run with John.

Maybe it’ll be easier to fit in here than you thought.

♠♡♢♣

John drags you from class to class, introducing you to his friends. At lunchtime, he takes you to “the usual table” and you finally get a chance to get their names straight.

You really like John’s friends. You like Dirk and Dave’s ironic twin act – even though you don’t get a lot of it. Jade is ridiculously cute, Roxy and Jane are super nice, and Rose and Kanaya are the classiest fucking lesbians that you have ever met. Before you know it, you’re laughing and making sarcastic jokes with the rest of them. You fit in even better than you had hoped. Then, of course, something goes wrong.

“So who’s the new fish?” a cocky voice drawls from behind you. You turn to see a tall, pale boy, covered in freckles. He’s wearing glasses and a long scarf that matched the purple streak in his hair. Cautiously, you admit to yourself that he’s actually kind of hot.

Everyone at your table turns to glare at him. “Fuck off, Ampora,” Dave says, and immediately turns back around.

“Well, Strider, that wasn’t very nice, now was it?” The ‘Ampora’ dude smirks, propping one lanky arm against the back of your chair. “I just wanted to learn the lady’s name. Scared she’ll leave your little ragtag group and run away with me?”

“My name is Heather. Now do what Dave says and leave before I let him kick your ass.” You say, calmly. He looks surprised at first, but quickly backs off and regains his haughty demeanor.

“Anything for you, doll.” He winks before walking off. You turn back to the table to see Dave and Dirk staring at you from behind their shades.

“Who the ever loving hell was that?” you ask, snapping them out of it. They look just a tad surprised, and you look expectantly at them. “Guys?”

“That, Heather,” Dirk starts, “Was Eridan Ampora. Self-crowned king of the school, self-proclaimed ladies’ man, actual total dick, and worst of all-”

“Fish enthusiast,” Dave finishes, and you frown. You take a methodical bite out of your apple, making sure it looks as ironically silly as possible. Have to look good in front of the Striders.

“Why was the ‘ladies’ man’ interested in me?” You ask, and Jade snorts. You turn to her. “What?”

Jade looks at you with disbelief. “I don’t know what the girls at your old school looked like, but here you’re pretty hot stuff.” Her neon green eyes flick upward to your hair. “And you saw his hair, didn’t you?”

Rose takes over from Jade. “You, Heather, are a prime Ampora target. And for once, I can’t blame him.” Your mouth is hanging open at this point. Being around normal people needs a list of side effects. You knew you were pretty good-looking, but for the girls, the Unusual Gifts at the Academy hadn’t all been academic.

“You may wish to close your mouth, Heather. An insect may fly in if you keep it agape like that,” says Kanaya, in what you assume is a motherly tone. You fail to notice how forcefully she’s stabbing her food with her fork. You heed her advice, closing your mouth and letting your head sink onto the table.

“I am so done,” you mumble, appreciating John’s friendly pat on the head.

♠♡♢♣

You go through your basic classes, noting that John is in all of them and Dave is in most. You take Home Ec with Kanaya and, to your eternal surprise, Dirk. He’s actually really good at baking, as evidenced by the cookie you are currently devouring. You thought he was being ironic when he insisted on making you his “apprentice” – you suck at this stuff, that’s why you’re taking the class – but the invitation to come over after school seemed genuine enough, and you had accepted.

“Dayum, Dirk, these are some fucking good cookies,” you mumble through a full mouth. Dirk gives you a flamboyant, Japanese-style bow, not breaking his poker face. He turns to wink at a boy in cargo shorts and a green shirt, who’s trying to wave away the smoke billowing from his own tray of cookies.

“The secret is twofold,” Dirk explains, taking off a pair of obnoxiously pink oven mitts. “First, you make them 100% ironic. Then you realize that’s bullshit, you’re just fucking amazing at baking.”

“So, who’s your boyfriend?” you ask playfully.

Dirk’s response is a single word. “Nope.”

You think you learned something about irony today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the original character. Where do we even start when wandering into this minefield? The second you introduce your own character, you can bet that every one of your readers will be silently asking: “Is this character a Mary Sue?” Most of the time, they will be. But we can mitigate this.
> 
> When you’re writing a fanfic, it’s often primarily for your own enjoyment, and so you usually ask yourself, “would I want to be this character?” When you’re writing a story hoping that other people enjoy it, however, a better question might be, “would I want to get to know this character?” If the answer is yes, then even if the character is overidealized (as Heather is), there will still be people who want to read.
> 
> While we’re here, let’s also talk about a particularly dangerous word: “normal.” Many readers of fanfic (and some young adult novels that read like fanfic) have come to distrust the word “normal,” because it is sometimes used to describe a character who attracts five different boys and aces all her tests while solving detective mysteries at the statewide swim meet, which she then wins handily.
> 
> In this case, however, I felt justified using the word, because it actually means something. Prior to this story, Heather is used to being categorized as someone “special,” but hasn’t been able to live up to that. So we see her mixed reaction to being moved to the “normal” category.
> 
> Of course, Heather also still has rainbow hair and makes friends with everyone immediately. But we’ll come back to that in later chapters.


	2. Heart and Hope

She’s the new girl. Plus, she hangs out with those losers. But worst of all, she made a great impression on you.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you are so fucked.

You had never seen that girl before. You definitely would have noticed a girl like her – that tall, Latina girl with the rainbow hair and the perky… smile. You had your eye on her, but then you noticed she was walking with Egbert. Aren’t new kids supposed to try to get into the cool crowd? That’s one way you’ve reeled them in before.

Anyway, this one wasn’t biting. Actually, even after you dared interacting with her friends to make your move, she had bitten back, telling you to fuck off.

And damn if that hadn’t stirred something concupiscent in you.

The point, though, was that she had blown you off. But you can’t get her out of your head.

“Don’t get your scarf in a twist, chum!” offers your best friend. “She’ll come around, I’m sure this time.” Jake English has the unique advantages of being equally endearing and infuriating. Right now, he’s smiling brightly, the douche.

“Can’t you tell I’m trying to stop thinking about her?” you sigh with dismissive theatrics. Of course he can’t. Jake’s the most oblivious boy to ever unintentionally attract half a school.

“Golly, Eridan, you’re positively goofy for this girl!” laughs Jake. You slug his shoulder, rolling your eyes. 

“Oh shut up, Jake.”

How the hell does he pick up on everyone else’s attractions?

♠♡♢♣

“So really, who was that kid you winked at?” you ask Dirk while mixing the cookie dough. He flips you off without even looking at you, and you pout. “Fine, asshole, then I won’t tell you when I poison your cookies.” He finally turns to you and glares… you think. It’s hard to tell from behind those shades.

“His name is Jake English,” he says, and you tilt your head.

“You think he’s into guys?”

“No one knows,” Dirk says mysteriously, bouncing his eyebrows. You laugh, but he continues. “But seriously, no one’s seen the guy on a date.”

“So when are you planning to ask him out?” you ask, scooping out lumps of dough onto the pan.

“I have plans,” he says. Unhelpful, as expected.

“Why haven’t you just gotten it over with?” Dirk hesitates before answering.

“Different social groups, I guess. You remember Ampora? He’s his best friend.” You frown at this.

“What’s the deal with those groups, anyway?” you ask, handing off the pan. He shoves it in the oven before responding.

“We used to be OK with Ampora. But one of our old friends, Nepeta, fell for him. It got broken off somehow, and because Ampora’s a generous fucker he gave her a mature breakup. Namely, spreading so much shit around about her that she changed schools.” Your heart breaks a little. You were hoping it wasn’t that bad.

“Maybe it was just all a misunderstanding,” you say, flailing around for hope. “You know, maybe this Nepeta girl just broke his heart and he made a mistake.”

“Shit, Heather, you’re not into Ampora, are you?” Dirk says with exasperation. “I just told you the guy’s bad news.”

“Tell you what,” you say, “I get a chance to work on Eridan, and if it works then I help you get with Jake.”

“Great plan, Heather. I’ll clear my calendar for right after my party.”

“What party?” you ask, getting excited.

“A housewarming party for when Satan moves into his igloo.” You groan loudly at Dirk, but bump your hip into his playfully. You swear you’d hate him if he wasn’t so great.

“Oh ye of little faith.”

♠♡♢♣

You spend the next three hours at the Striders’, eating cookies and playing video games. You finally win a match of Halo against Dirk when you hear Dave entering the room.

“Hey dude, I don’t care what you do with your horse pictures, but stop leaving them in my…” Dave stops talking when he looks up to see that you’re on the couch with Dirk. “Oh shit, you’re still here?”

You wave sheepishly, then notice the picture Dave had brought with him. Is that… Rainbow Dash?

“Dirk… are you a brony?” you ask, starting to smile devilishly.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Dirk says evasively. “Maybe I commissioned a portrait of you, Rainbow.” He tousles your colorful hair.

“OK this just got disgusting, I’m out,” Dave says, turning to leave and throwing the Rainbow Dash picture over his shoulder. “Have fun with your date or whatever.”

“Oh hey, Dave,” Dirk called. “I was going to ask you something. Heather was telling me about her sister Candance, and she was sounding familiar to me.”

Dave turns back, looking puzzled. “I don’t know anyone called Candace.”

“No, no, it’s Candance,” you explain.

“Candance?” Dave repeats, intentionally mispronouncing it as “can dance.” He shares a meaningful glance with Dirk that goes unnoticed by you. “I don’t know, I feel like she might have been a friend. It depends, is she a dancer?”

“Um, not really…” you say, a little confused.

“Oh, then no, I don’t know her,” Dave says. “Cause your friend’s Candance, but if she don’t dance then she’s no friend of mine.” He and Dirk wait for a moment, but you just give them a blank stare. They both groan with disappointment.

“I keep telling you,” Dave says to Dirk, “what’s the point of liking all this shitty music if no one’s gonna get the joke?”

You sigh and look away. You had actually thought they might have known your sister. You notice the time. You’ve been here longer than you thought.

“Crap. I should probably get going,” you say. You stand up to grab your bag and kiss Dirk on the cheek, and as you turn to walk out the door, you walk straight into a tall, blonde man wearing shades identical to Dirk’s and a cap.

“Holy shit. Heather?” He says, and you’re paralyzed for a moment before crashing into him with a hug.

“Oh my god, Bro!”

♠♡♢♣

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you’re wondering how the fuck your Bro knows the girl you just met today.

“Heather, what the hell are you doing here?” Bro asks, something like relieved laughter mixing with his surprise. Heather is crying in his arms, Bro’s even showing emotions that aren’t about you or Dave for the first time you can remember.

“I missed you so much, Bro,” Heather says in between sobs. “But after Can died, I couldn’t….” You go over to her and she sinks into your arms instead.

“Bro, this is Heather, Heather , this is Bro,” you say to no one in particular, holding Heather and looking between her and Bro. “Now that this makes a little more sense, how the hell do you two already know each other?”

“This must be how you knew Candance,” Heather says, getting herself under control. “She and Bro were moirails, you must have seen her here before. I didn’t want to say anything about it until I was sure.”

“I wanted to take care of you after what happened to Can,” Bro says to Heather. “But I had always kept track of you through her, and I lost you.” He pulls out his phone.

“Who’re your foster parents?” he asks Heather, and she chokes out names and a phone number.

“Why?” she asks, and you run a hand through her rainbow hair.

“Because you’re coming to live with us. No matter what, I’m going to take care of you this time.”

“Thank you, Bro,” she whispers.

♠♡♢♣

You’re surprised your foster parents had let you stay, even if they said it was only temporary. You guess Bro had been very convincing. Or maybe this was still about the Academy. You knew your foster parents cared about you, but it was always about your success or failure at the Academy. Maybe they just thought you could use a new environment while you all adjusted. To be honest, you have no idea, you figure you’ll get to talk to them about it tomorrow.

But no matter the reason, you stay with the Striders that night. Dirk lets you curl up in his bed with him, and he wraps you up in blankets and hugs, and then the thing that’s been on your mind since he invited you over spills out.

“Dirk, do you want to be moirails?” you ask, blushing.

“Yeah, sure,” he responds in typical Strider fashion, adding a shrug. But he lets you see that the smirk on his face is genuine, and he holds you a little tighter as you drift off to sleep. OK, he’s a keeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing established characters can be tricky. Sure, you’re writing those characters in your own scenario, but people read fanfic for the characters they recognize. And just because you say the person you’re writing about is Sherlock Holmes does not mean you can get away with making him say “Gee whiz, my dear Watson, this is some serious shit!” It takes practice to write in the voices of several different characters, especially because you’ve got that pesky voice of your own.
> 
> It may help to go back and read or watch some of the character’s conversations, to get a feel for how they talk. Hopefully, you enjoy the work you’re writing fanfiction about, so this should be fun research. If you’re writing a fic about a TV show or movie, try imagining the actor speaking your dialogue, and see if it sounds natural. I sometimes used the Let’s Read Homestuck voice actors in this way to check how I was doing, particularly with Dave and Dirk.
> 
> Once you have the character voices down in general, take note of how they interact with different characters. Not only can this help as a reference for writing dialogue between those characters, but it might also inform how those characters might interact with your OC (or characters from another work, if it’s a crossover).
> 
> One more thing: don’t worry about other people’s headcanons. This is especially important for Homestuck fanfic writers to understand, because so many people have oversimplified ideas of the main characters. I know I mentioned referring to a fandub for this story, but I also relied heavily on the original pesterlogs. If your goal is for the dialogue to be relatively close to the tone of the original, that’s what’s important.


	3. The Douche Trial

You may not have thought things through.

You wake up wrapped around Dirk, disentangle yourself, and immediately realize you never went back home last night. Which means you don’t have clothes to wear to school today. Shit.

“Wakey wakey Dirk, I need a shirt and we need to get to school!” you say, shaking him.

“Nope, it is way too early for this shit,” Dirk grumbles, not moving.

“Oh, sorry, Rarity, didn’t mean to interrupt your beauty sleep,” you taunt, getting up. Dirk grunts and rolls over. “Fine,” you continue. “Guess I’ll have to tell everyone we’re moirails without you. Let’s see, I’ll start with Dave, then Roxy, then…”

You are interrupted by an orange t-shirt being flung in your face. Man, you didn’t even see Dirk get up. Must be that flashstepping thing the Striders do.

“We’ve got deodorant and stuff if ya need it,” Dirk says, still sounding sleepy. You notice the hint of Southern accent in his voice.

“Nice accent, chico,” you call back as you go to change.

“Same to ya, darlin’.” OK now he’s just faking it.

♠♡♢♣

Heather just arrived at school with the Striders. Even worse, she’s wearing one of Dirk’s shirts and leaning on him heavily. Did that asshole Strider seriously pick her up in one day when you got shot down in three seconds?

“Hey, Heather!” Jake’s called out before you can stop him. She turns, and smiles at him.

“Hey! You’re Jake, right?” she asks, walking towards him. She notices you and nods. “Hey, Eridan,” she says, and you smile. Nothing wrong with keeping the charm up for a rainy day.

“Hey, dollface,” you say, then you wince when she glares.

“It’s Heather. Not dollface, not baby, not sweetheart. Heather. Got it?” Fuck if that didn’t send shivers down your spine. Strider can have her as a matesprit for all you care, it looks like you might actually have a shot with blackrom.

“Sorry, Heather.” You mumble, choosing to acknowledge her dominance for now. She just smiles in response. Guess you were overthinking it.

“Thank you. So what’s up, Jake?” Great, this is about Mr. Hard to Get. Strider’s starting to resemble a tomato; then he cools down once Heather puts an arm around his shoulders. You’re sure his face isn’t the only thing that’s red around here. But maybe this is more complicated than you thought.

“I was cooking up a proposition for you, from my dear friend Eridan. You see, I’ve weaseled out of him that he quite likes y-” You clap a hand over Jake’s mouth before he can finish, feeling your cheeks get hot. Good old Jake wouldn’t know subtlety if he were drowning in it. You’re surprised to see Heather giggle, looking straight at you.

“OK, Ampora, here’s the deal,” she says. “You get a month to impress me and to convince me that you’re not a douche.” She goes off, dragging a slightly dazed Dirk along.

You pull up your scarf, sure you’re redder than Strider was by now. You’re not quite sure what the hell is going on, but at least you have time to figure it out. “Jake, if – if I hadn’t gotten that month, I w-woulda killed you,” you snap at him a little awkwardly. He claps you on the back jovially.

“No problem, pal!”

♠♡♢♣

“…Look, I know you guys don’t like him, but I think I can change that.” You’re laying out your plans for Eridan to an incredulous table of your friends. Dave just shrugs.

“I don’t care what you do,” he says. “Just saying though, we warned you what a dick the guy is. It’s your funeral, we were innocent bystanders to the next coming of Hurricane Ampora.”

“Thank you, Dave,” you sigh in relief. You notice Kanaya looking especially bitter, but pointedly down at her tray instead of at you. “Kanaya, you look like you have something to say.”

“Not at all,” she says coldly, still not looking at you. “You have, after all, not been here long. Clearly you must not be aware of what Eridan has done in the past.”

“Dirk told me about what happened with Nepeta,” you reply. Kanaya gets up suddenly, glaring straight at you now. She looks absolutely furious, but before she can say anything else, Rose intervenes with a hand on her matesprit’s own.

“Kanaya, just hear her out,” Rose says quietly. Kanaya is obviously still out for blood, but she sits back down, trying to compose herself. Rose continues. “Heather, why are you even giving Eridan a month?”

“I know Eridan’s done some awful stuff in the past,” you admit. “But I can’t believe that he, or anyone else, could be so cruel without having a good reason. I just think there are two sides to this story. And I’d like to get closer to him so I can get his perspective.”

You look at Rose, who is calmly considering your words. Then you look at Kanaya, who seems hurt and confused as she sees Rose’s reaction.

“Maybe this would be a good experiment,” Rose says. She turns toward Kanaya, hearing her scoff of protest. “Especially since Heather is judging who Eridan is now without having biases from the past.”

“OK, so Rose is in favor,” you conclude. “Kanaya?”

She looks at Rose, then at you. Then she seems to sort of give up. “Whatever. It’s fine.”

“Thank you.” You’ll take it, at least. “I really think this is going to work.”

♠♡♢♣

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you have never been this angry with someone you love this much.

“How could you take her side?” you yell at Rose as you both walk to your media studies class. “She has no idea what Eridan’s like, she’s been here a mere two days!”

“Exactly,” Rose replies. You know she’s been trying to calm you down, but it’s having the opposite effect. “Kanaya, I know you have more issues with Eridan than the rest of us, but I think you’re taking it too far. Let Heather give him a chance.”

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. “Give him a chance? Perhaps you are forgetting, Rose, that I was the only one who ever gave him a chance to set things right. Apparently, I was the only one who was really looking out for Nepeta as well.”

“You know we all cared about Nepeta.” Now it’s Rose’s turn to look hurt. “Are you sure Eridan’s the one you have a problem with?”

You falter. Rose always was good at seeing the truth. “I…. All right, so I hate Heather just a little bit. Is that really my fault? She believes herself capable of repairing bridges that were incinerated long before she knew they had ever existed. And what’s worse is that you’re attracted to her!”

Rose looks genuinely shocked at this statement. “Kanaya, I never said that. I only said that she was an attractive girl. I love you, only you.”

“I… I know.” You’re flustered now. You hadn’t meant to accuse her, it just slipped out. “I suppose, if I’m being honest with myself, it’s me I should be worried about. I might be letting myself hate Heather a little too much.”

“You mean like… black romance?” Rose asks. Great, you feel even more stupid now for having said that. “Do you need me to be your auspistice?”

“No, it’s not like that,” you assure Rose. “I admit I felt a twinge of something black. I was angry, and a little jealous. But I don’t hate her quite that much. I could never let something like that come between us.”

You and Rose embrace, to squeeze the conflict out. “I suggest we get to class,” Rose says, smiling at you. You smile back and look away, still a little embarrassed.

“Agreed.”

♠♡♢♣

Your name is Dave Strider. That is the kind of introduction that doesn’t need a second clause.

Currently, you’re sitting in your music class, with Heather right behind you. You still don’t think she’s making a great decision on the whole Eridan thing, but hey, Dirk’s the one who’s her moirail. Besides, you know how shitty people’s decisions about dating are. You then look a few seats down at John for a completely unrelated reason.

“Hello, class,” trills the music teacher, Miss Paint. “This year, we’re kicking off the year with a fun project, where you’ll be working together with the media studies class!” Said class files into the room as if on cue. At this point you can see most of your friends in the room – and a couple enemies.

“This project is going to include the skills we teach you in class,” Miss Paint continues as Mr. Slick, the media studies teacher, joins her at the front of the room. “You’ll be working in groups of four to make your own music videos!”

Heather cracks a smile that’s pretty damn dorky. Mr. Slick makes the critical announcement. “You get to pick your own groups, so go nuts.”

That is exactly what happens, kids scrambling around to find friends. You grab John instantly, and Heather isn’t too far behind. You look for Dirk, having seen him earlier. You find him with Jake, who’s already grabbed his buddies Terezi and Sollux. It’s weird how much Jake looks like John. But hey, it shows that the Striders both have good taste in men.

Oh shit, Heather’s trying to flag Eridan down. You look around for anyone else, but Rose and Kanaya are already with Roxy and Jane. Maybe Jade? Nope, she’s not in either one of these classes. And just like that, the douchebag is in your group.

Well, this is going to be just great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we’re getting to the point where I can actually talk about specific changes I made to the original “New.” First, let’s talk about troll romance. Yeah, I know, blah blah blah posture of surrender blah blah blah, but all four quadrants really are comprehensible and can be very interesting when used properly in a story. In the original, Glitch only talks about matesprits and moirails. To be fair, it is intentionally fluff, and so mentioning only the quadrants associated with positive emotions makes some sense. But from a story perspective, the black quadrants can actually add a whole new element of intrigue. Just make sure you know the quadrants’ purposes before you use them – moirails are more than just bffs, kismeses are more than just people that don’t like each other, and you really need to know how auspistices work before trying to write one. Matesprits are basically just troll dating though. That one’s OK.
> 
> You may also notice there’s a scene here that wasn’t in the story before. This is Kanaya’s subplot, one of the most major changes I made to the story. When I first read “New,” I was amused by the idea that throughout the story, Kanaya just didn’t like Heather. So I decided to take it from unintentional subtext to a plot point in the story, and it worked better than I’d expected.
> 
> This illustrates another way to prevent your characters from becoming Mary Sues. Instead of having all the main characters like your OC immediately, have at least one of your other protagonists not like them. This doesn’t need to be a major source of conflict, but it can be a good opportunity for character development. You do need to be careful not to make either one of them look like the asshole if we’re supposed to still like both of them; just make sure you’re not favoring your OC’s argument too much and you should be fine.


	4. The Gillfrond

You are not looking forward to this. Coming back home to your foster parents is a lot more nerve-wracking than you thought it would be. You have no idea how they’re going to react. You come up to the door of the house – is it you or does it look even bigger than normal? – and you take a deep breath. Then you knock on the door.

It went better than you could have expected. They sat you down for a talk about family and where you belong. Bro had told them all about him and Candance, and they knew how important Candance had been to you. Of course they cared about you and wanted you to stay, but they also understood that Bro felt like the only family you had left.

Moving out is strange, and you feel torn. On one hand, you know moving in with the Striders is what you want to do – and you know Bro won’t have it any other way. But you feel guilty just leaving your foster parents. They had wanted to take you in after Can died. And even if you don’t quite feel like you belong with them, doesn’t that make them as close to family as Bro is?

So it’s not exactly a comfortable process – it’s really awkward, but you get all your things packed. You promise to keep in touch, and that’s that. You’re living with the Striders.

“So, this is your room,” Dirk says, as you start moving stuff in. “The bathroom is next door, the music room is down the hall. You know where everything else is.” Dirk opens the door to your new room. You put down the load you’re carrying and look inside. It’s painted black, and a can of metallic silver spray paint sits on the desk.

“What’s that for?” You ask, motioning to the can.

“Decorating. So, uh, do you like it?” Dirk says, almost shyly. You hug him, standing on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

“I love it, Dirk.”

♠♡♢♣

You finally finish moving in for the night. It’s getting late, so you’re about to head to bed. You wander out of your room, going next door to the bathroom, but Dave’s already outside, leaning against the bathroom door.

“Sup, Dave?” you say with what you hope is nonchalance and not surprise. Yeah, you were startled to see him there, but you’re living with Striders now, you gotta be cool. Dave doesn’t respond, instead grabbing your arm and pulling you into a room you thought was just a closet.

You gasp as he flips the light switch. You’re standing in a huge weapons cache. You don’t even know how all of these things fit in one room.

“Basically, you live here, you get challenged to strife on the roof by Bro for no fucking reason,” Dave explains. “So you’d better start practicing. Now we always use swords, because come on, swords are the sickest weapon ever invented, but we’ve got a whole damn smorgasbord of deadly shit here, so take your pick.”

“Here’s the deal,” you say as you peruse the selection. “I fight you, and you help me dye my hair blonde. I’ve been thinking about what Jade said. And I’m not having Eridan chase me just cause he wants the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So I’m going blonde, something normal. Don’t you think—”

“Jesus, Heather, it’s a deal,” Dave interrupts. “I don’t care why Fishface is after you, just pick a weapon already.”

“I can use this,” you say, taking a bo staff off the wall.

“Oh cool, you’re going to attack me with a fucking stick.”

“Hey, the bo staff is a totally legitimate weapon!”

“It’s a stick.”

“Donatello uses a bo staff.”

“Donatello is a goddamn nerd who makes turtle machines all day. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really know how to fight, and the rat dude just gave him that stick so he wouldn’t kill himself on his first day.”

“Ugh, fine, why do you even have a staff lying around then?”

“Man, I don’t even know why we have half this shit. Like I said, we only use swords. This is basically the swords room plus some variety hour bullshit if we ever get bored being badasses. Besides, isn’t that just one of the things about rooms full of weapons? It’s like, oh man, here’s a bunch of swords, some axes, that spiky ball on a chain thing, and look at that, they even have a giant stick that you can use if you’re an idiot.”

You give Dave a jab in the gut with your staff. “Shut up and fight me, Strider.”

Before long, you’re on the roof, ready to face off. Of course he pulls out a fucking katana. Then he makes a basic “come at me” gesture. You happily oblige, lunging at him with a sweep of your staff….

And you’re flat on your ass in three seconds. Damn flashstepping.

♠♡♢♣

You watch Heather – now with dirty blond hair, that’s disappointing – open her locker. You keep looking out of the corner of your eye at her, while pretending to pay attention to Terezi. She doesn’t notice your eyes darting over in Heather’s direction, because she’s too busy talking about Jake. Also because she’s blind. You’re not sure how you keep forgetting that part. Speaking of blind, you swear if everyone keeps trying to play these mind games on Jake, you’ll have to give him a list of the people who are interested.

Heather opens the locker and takes out the rose and the note you left for her, surprised. Yeah you’re barely even pretending to listen to Terezi at this point. Heather sniffs the rose, smiling a little shyly, then opens the note.

“Heather-

I wwas wwonderin if you wwould be okay wwith me sittin at your lunch table today  
I promise to be nice to the striders  
and evveryone else

\- CA (Eridan)”

You think Terezi realizes you haven’t been listening. Her groan of dismay and her walking away might have been your first clues. You don’t really care, though, since Heather looks directly at you and flashes you a bigger, brighter smile. She comes over to you, still smiling, and gives you a hug.

“Hey Eridan, I got your note and your flower!” she bubbles. She pulls back, hopefully not taking notice of your bright red face. “It was really sweet. And it’s a great start. I would love it if you would sit with us today! See you in Music.” She flounces off, latching on to… Dave? A little weird, you thought Dirk was the one she was attached to. But what does it matter? She looks so happy, you’ve got to be in now.

Damn, you’ve got it bad.

♠♡♢♣

You’re still thinking about Eridan when you walk into your music class. Today’s a planning day for the project, so everyone’s huddling in their groups. You find John and Dave talking at one table – were they flirting? – and Eridan, sitting awkwardly to the side. He brightens when he sees you, though.

“Hey guys!” you say, pulling your laptop and headphones out of your bag. “OK, if I’m going to be singing in this video, I need to learn the song, so I’m going to just put it on repeat. Think you can figure out the video part?” Your team nods.

As your music blares in your ears, Eridan, John, and Dave keep talking. You can’t hear what they’re saying over the music, but you’re sure they can get the video together. Occasionally, Dave holds up a picture of an outfit on his tablet, and you’ll either nod or shake your head. You’re a fan of one particular black dress, which falls nicely from the hips and has an extravagant gemstone pattern.

♠♡♢♣

As soon as Heather puts her headphones on, you turn to Eridan. “OK, Ampora, let’s talk about Heather,” you say, casually as usual. Obviously, you had no intention of actually planning the video today. You can make a music video good enough for this class in your sleep.

“Dave, she’s still right next to you,” John hisses at you.

“She can’t hear us right now, right Heather?” You say that last part pretty loudly, but get no reaction. “Cool. Anyway, time for some real talk.” While you and Eridan talk, you hold up random pictures of outfits on your tablet. Unsurprisingly, Heather falls for this.

“Guys, I’m playing it cool,” Eridan says, before you can actually start on that topic. “Sure, we’ve disagreed in the past, but this is a fresh start for me. If anyone knows the intricacies of romance, it’s me.”

“Fucking anyone knows the intricacies of romance better than you,” you say flatly. “What you do is treat it like it’s some game, with a winner and a loser. It’s like you think this is Clue. But no one’s hiding anything from you, and you don’t get to stop playing once you get the right answer.”

“Just get to the point, Dave,” Eridan sighs, making a point of actually using your first name.

“My point is that before you get too excited about your candlestick, make sure Colonel Heather won’t end up in the Lounge with a knife in her back.”

“Look, I know what I’m doing,” Eridan assures you. He gets distracted when Heather nods at a particular dress picture and gives a thumbs up. “She seems to like that one.”

“Oh shit really?” you say, looking back at your screen. “Yeah, that figures, that one costs about fifty thousand dollars. Look at all these diamonds, we could just get a Bedazzler and make this for like sixty bucks.”

“Eridan, I really want to trust you,” John says, steering the conversation back on topic. “If you’re sure you can make it work with Heather, then I say you should be happy together! But what do you think, Dave?”

“Just don’t fuck this up.”

♠♡♢♣

Before you know it, it’s lunch. You make your way to the usual table with the group and sit down next to Dirk. Here comes Eridan, hesitantly heading to the table. You try to gauge the others’ reactions at a glance. Everyone seems pretty unsure about this arrangement. OK, John’s trying to reassure Eridan with a bucktoothed smile, but that’s balanced out by the look the Striders are giving him. You didn’t know sunglasses could reflect light in such an intimidating way. Kanaya, meanwhile, appears to be trying to heat up her lunch by sheer force of frustration. Eridan is about to sit next to you when you hear an awful sound, like a dolphin imitating a hawk. A tall, blonde, and very angry girl is storming up to Eridan.

“Eridan!” she screeches. “What are you doing with these losers?”

“He’s sitting with us,” you reply coolly. “Who are you, not loser?”

“I’m Connie Peixes, and I’m Eridan’s gillfrond.” You can almost hear everyone’s eyes rolling at the fish pun. You look over at Eridan with one eyebrow raised. You almost laugh when you see Rose out of the corner of your eye, giving Connie the same expression with a little more contempt.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Connie?” Eridan growls, looking embarrassed. “You are NOT my girlfriend!”

Connie looks suddenly hurt. “Oh, I see how it is. You’re dumping me for that new beach.” You stand up and look daggers at her.

“I have a name. It’s Heather, since you asked.” You stay very calm, but Eridan does not.

“Besides, I can’t dump you because we were never together!” he screams. Several other kids start to turn their heads in your direction. Connie notices, and walks back to her table, still fuming. Eridan finally sits down, his head flopping onto the table like yours had last week.

“So, Eridan, got something to tell me?” you joke, messing with his carefully constructed hair. He doesn’t seem to care, so you keep running a hand through it.

“That was my stalker,” he mumbles through the table. “She just can’t accept that we’re not dating.”

“I don’t see why you refuse to humor her,” Rose says, with a measurable degree of sarcasm. “She is, after all, very pretty.” Eridan’s hair slips through your fingers as he snaps his head back up, looking with indignation at Rose.

“Because she’s insane,” he replies flatly. A round of laughter follows, and with a common enemy established, lunch with Eridan officially begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, when you’re writing fanfiction, you have a great idea of what you want to happen in the middle of the story. It’s just that beginning part you have to get through before you get to the good part, right? Unfortunately, not only is the beginning what decides whether people read your story, it’s also really easy to spot when steps are skipped.
> 
> Heather’s foster parents being dropped entirely in favor of her moving in with the Striders is one of those skipped steps in the original “New.” It may not seem that important, but going to live somewhere else is a significant life change, and shouldn’t just be skipped over entirely. That’s not to say it needs to be a huge ordeal; all I added were three paragraphs, plus a couple extra sentences. But as a general rule, if it would be a big event in your life, you should consider giving it some attention.
> 
> Also, I decided that Heather should not be able to hold her own against Dave in a strife initially. The Striders put in a lot of practice fighting, and nothing about Heather’s backstory suggests she has done the same. Fighting ability isn’t a huge part of Heather’s character, but it brings up a good lesson. Allow your characters to fail, show them struggle to grasp something. Think Avatar Aang trying to Earthbend, Harry Potter learning Occlumency, Luke Skywalker using the Force. These characters all have natural talents, just as Heather naturally makes friends and gets to know people quickly. Aang is a skilled Airbender, Harry quickly picks up defensive spells, Luke is an expert pilot. You certainly don’t have to start your characters off with nothing. But it makes a more interesting story when your character learns from a failure.


	5. Undisclosed

\--glitchedRainbows [GR] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]—

GR: dude  
GR: duuuuuuude  
EB: what’s up heather?  
GR: so what is going on between you and davey dearest?  
EB: what are you talking about?  
GR: the sweet bromance john  
GR: you don’t have to hide it from me  
GR: I knooooooow  
EB: well i don’t. nothing is going on with me and dave.  
GR: liar  
GR: I can smell your bullshit burning from here  
GR: it’s on fire john  
GR: it’s flaming like your desiiiiiiire  
GR: just admit you want strider’s ass  
-EB: no!  
GR: no you don’t or no you won’t admit it?  
EB: just no heather!  
EB: let’s talk about literally anything else right now.  
GR: cmon john, I’m not gonna tell dave  
GR: I just want to know  
EB: well, i don’t even know!  
EB: i’m not going to ask him out if that’s what you mean.  
EB: i’m not looking for anything romantic right now, and i like just being friends.  
GR: but what do you WANT, john?  
EB: like i said, heather, i don’t know!  
EB: i guess i’d consider it if he asked me out...  
EB: but that’s under the strictest of wraps, okay?  
GR: don’t worry dude  
GR: my lips are sealed  
GR: ttyl ;y

\--glitchedRainbows ceased pestering ectoBiologist—

♠♡♢♣

You immediately rush down to Dave’s room, bo staff in hand, and pound on his door with it.

“David Elizabeth Strider!” you yell, accompanied by the knocking of wood on wood. “I know you’re in there!”

After a moment, Dave opens the door, only in his boxers. You can clearly see his shirt and pants folded neatly over the chair he was probably sitting in. You begin to suspect that he deliberately undressed before answering the door just to embarrass you. You then begin to suspect that he wanted you to notice and get annoyed and argh you do not have time for this bullshit.

“Sup?” Dave says, snapping you out of it.

“I have a proposition. If I can beat you in a strife, you ask out John.” Dave tilts his head a little. His expression doesn’t change, but you think he thinks you’re crazy.

“I should say no, because there’s no fucking way I’m doing that.”

“But…?”

“But there is also no conceivable future in which you can beat me in a strife.”

Before long, you’re on the roof. Dave has gotten dressed, thankfully, and you’re both using your usual weapons. But you’ve been practicing since the first time. It’s remarkable how constructive it is to get your ass regularly kicked by Bro. So this time, you’re ready for Dave’s first blows. You parry them with your staff, then lunge out for the counterstrike. Of course, he’s out of the way by this point, but you’re just quick enough to bring your staff to bear against his next swipe.

Before long, you’re both drenched in sweat, but neither of you has actually connected a hit. Finally, Dave leaps up for what must be his finishing blow. You squat down, with your staff ready to deflect his blade, but you can see this is overly telegraphed. You shift your foot, ready to twist around, and sure enough, Dave switches course. Your block succeeds; in fact, some might say it is overly successful. When your staff hits the flat of his sword, the blade actually snaps in two.

“Cheap piece of shit,” Dave mumbles as you two both look at the broken blade fly away from you both. He follows up with an “oh fuck” as you take advantage of his distraction, jabbing him in the stomach and knocking him over.

“Yes!” you squeal in delight, pumping your fist into the air. “Good luck with the proposal, lover boy!”

“First of all, I may be down, but I’m not out,” Dave wheezes, continuing to be down on the ground. “Second, that’s a textbook case of a bullshit victory and you know it. Third, I already have my Egbert-related plans.”

“You Striders always have your plans,” you sigh, frustrated, “but that hasn’t helped Dirk ask out Jake!”

“Man, these are delicate operations. You just gotta give them time.”

♠♡♢♣

Your time is almost up. But you think Heather already has made up her mind. You’re the only one with her as she looks at dresses. Thankfully, you already talked her out of the expensive one, although you had briefly considered the Bedazzler approach.

“Remind me why I’m doin this again?” you call out. She steps out of the changing room and promptly reminds you why you’re doing this. The black dress she has on is absolutely gorgeous, and certainly complements her figure. She spins around, and you can see her tan back, exposed in this dress. You swear there are little rainbow shimmers coming off the dress too, but you are hardly focused on the dress right now.

“So… what do you think?” she asks. You nearly have to force your jaw shut before opening it again to answer.

“I… Er… awwesome,” you stutter. She laughs. “And it’s not fifty thousand dollars?”

“Nope, it’s affordable, and I like it.” She struts back into the changing room. ”So what are you wearing for the video?”

“Well, it won’t be as fancy as your dress,” you say. “Just a suit or somefin.” Soon, she comes out of the changing room, her sandy blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail. She’s changed into a dull brown hoodie with a strange symbol on it – is that really supposed to look like a bleeding wound?

“So what do you want to do now?” she asks, playfully bumping her hip into yours. You’re still bright red; that dress is fresh on your mind.

“I dunno. How about coffee?” And soon, you find yourself at a quaint little place called Porrim’s.

♠♡♢♣

“And I say to her, ‘You really took the b8 on that one!’” You groan at Eridan’s pun, but you can’t stop from smiling. You’ve been holding empty cups of coffee for a while now, but you don’t want to leave. You’re having the time of your life just being with Eridan. You think it’s time to ask; you don’t think anything could ruin this moment.

“Eridan… can I ask you something?” He gets down from his chair, from which he had been reenacting quite the swashbuckling adventure, sits down to the stares of the few other patrons, and nods. “What happened between you and Nepeta?”

“Oh, you know about Nepeta,” he replies, seeming very deflated. “It was a long time ago. But yeah, we dated, and yeah, we broke up. It got complicated.”

“And she left the school, right? Because people kept giving her shit about it?”

“I never wanted that to happen. You remember Connie?”

“Ugh.”

“Exactly. She thought she’d have more of a shot with me if she took down Nepeta.” You breathe a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god, I thought it was you being a douchebag.” He’s still staring at you the same way, even with your dirty blond hair, even with your old hoodie, even with less makeup than usual. And the biggest douche bomb has just been defused. You think your mind is officially made up. “And speaking of not being a douchebag….” You nudge his foot with your own. He looks up, surprised. “You’ve only got a week left, chico.”

“And we’re here drinking coffee. Alone.” He nudges you back.

“C’mon, Eridan, you still gotta ask…”

“Fine.” He leans in close. That smug little smirk of his is actually pretty cute when the look in his eyes is soft like this. “Heather Jacobs, will you please do me the honor of being my matesprit?”

You tilt your head, pretending to consider. “Why, yes, I think I will, Eridan.” You lean in and kiss. He tastes like sea salt and coffee. It’s wonderful, and it’s addicting, and it’s the perfect moment. But of course, perfection never lasts long.

♠♡♢♣

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]--

AC: :33 kanaya! hiiiiiii!  
GA: Well Hello Nepeta  
GA: It Has Been Quite Some Time Since Last We Spoke  
AC: :33 yes, i know! im dying to hear how you guys have b33n  
GA: Things Have Become Quite Different Recently  
GA: There Is A New Girl In School Who Has Joined Our Group Of Friends  
GA: Her Name Is Heather  
AC: :33 *ac perks up in excitement*  
AC: :33 *her tail is twitching in anticipation*  
AC: :33 will i n33d to update my shipping chart? im still k33ping it, even though it is much bigger now  
GA: Bigger  
AC: :33 oh yes! i have added all of my new friends  
AC: :33 i even have a new meowrail!  
GA: That Is Wonderful News  
AC: :33 yes i think it is! his name is equius  
AC: :33 he acts like a big tough guy but hes really sw33t in his own weird way :33  
AC: :33 anyway what about this new girl?  
GA: I Am Unsure That You Wish To Know Heathers Possible Romantic Inclinations  
AC: :33 why not?  
GA: Well Aside From A Definite Moirallegiance With Dirk  
GA: She Appears To Be Pursuing A Matespritship With One Eridan Ampora  
AC: :33 *ac rears back and hisses*  
GA: Yes That Was My Approximate Reaction As Well  
GA: I Was Unsuccessful In My Attempts To Talk Her Out Of It  
AC: :33 but wait if dirk is her meowrail now then why isnt he doing anything?  
GA: There Are Rumors That Mister English May Be A Factor  
AC: :33 :PP oh yes jake always made up a large purrcentage of the chart  
AC: :33 but you know that mr ampurra is bad news  
GA: Of Course I Do  
GA: But I Doubt She Will Be Dissuaded  
AC: :33 then maybe if she is too far d33p  
AC: :33 could you please do me a favor?  
GA: Of Course  
AC: :33 make sure they are happy!  
GA: That Seems  
GA: Contradictory  
AC: :33 he wasnt such a pawful guy when we were together  
AC: :33 and if heather is your friend i wouldnt want her to go through what i did  
GA: I Suppose I See Your Point  
GA: Even If I Disagree With Your Conclusions  
AC: :33 and i know you will do what you think is best!  
AC: :33 just think about it okay?  
GA: I Will  
GA: But Lets Reseal Those Particular Wounds For Now  
GA: Oh Dear  
AC: :33 what is it kanaya?  
GA: We Will Have To Resume This Reunion Another Time  
GA: Heather Is In  
GA: Some Undisclosed Peril

\--grimAuxiliatrix ceased being pestered by arsenicCatnip--

♠♡♢♣

Your name is Jane Crocker, and you are very skeptical. You’re at the Lalonde place, talking with Roxy in her room. You love her to death, and she makes a great moirail, but you just wish more of her ideas agreed with your judgment.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” you repeat. Roxy groans.

“Come on, Jane, it’s not like Dirk called dibs,” she insists. “Besides, now is the perfect time to get that sweet English can.”

“Well, no, Dirk didn’t call dibs exactly. But it doesn’t take a detective to know that he’s interested. If he wanted it to be a secret, we wouldn’t already know.”

“Fine, but I’m just saying, you have an in that Dirk doooesn’t….” You sigh.

“I know, I know, you can talk to your matesprit. But I wouldn’t want to have Sollux just talk him into it.”

“Well then, what are you gonna do?”

“Shucks, Roxy, I don’t know!” You didn’t mean to get mad. You look down, a little embarrassed. But Roxy slides closer and throws her arms around your neck.

“M’sorry, Janey.”

There’s a knock on the door. Rose enters, phone in hand and a concerned expression on her face.

“What up, sis?” Roxy says.

“Could you two come with me to the hospital? Apparently, Heather is in some undisclosed peril.”

♠♡♢♣

Your name is Jake English, and you are not known for your good timing.

Almost everyone has left school for the day, but you’ve always got a club or something to stay late for. You get a lot of invites to that sort of thing from your friends, for some strange reason. Anyway, you’re still trying to cram your stuff into your backpack. You finally get everything packed away and are about to head out the door.

“Hey Jake, can I talk to you for a minute?” Oh, Terezi’s still here. It looks like you two are the only ones, though.

“Of course!” you respond, and wheel back around. You shrug your backpack onto the desk closest to the door. “I’ve always got time for my pals.”

Terezi steps closer. Very close. “Well, Jake, your ‘pal’ Eridan was no help at all. So I’m taking matters into my own hands. Do you want to go out with me?”

You think someone must have suddenly cut off the air to this room. You are also fairly sure your eyebrows just brushed the ceiling. “Gosh, Terezi, I… I never thought you… well, why not?”

Terezi half giggles, half cackles with delight. “Great! I know this really cool place not too far from here, where we could go exploring. What do you think, Jake? Do you want to have an adventure with me?”

“That… sounds like a jolly good time,” you choke out. Why are you still nervous? What did you even have to be nervous about in the first place? “I just never thought you would be interested. No one’s really seemed too keen on me before, you know.”

Terezi groans loudly. “Oh, come ON, Jake. Most of the girls in school are into you. Some of the boys, too.”

“Wait… really?” You are genuinely surprised by this revelation. Does that mean Dirk….?

“But none of them ever got up the nerve,” she says, moving even closer. “So I’m the one who gets to do this.” She kisses you on the lips. You’re a little confused, and still reeling, but somehow this moment feels right. Spontaneity ahoy. You return the kiss, wrapping your arms around her. You both get caught up in the kiss, so much so that you don’t notice the classroom door open.

“Hey Jake, I—” Dirk stops dead as he sees you with Terezi. “Oh. Um, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two. Never mind, Jake, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wait, Dirk—” You break away from your new date, trying to somehow explain away the sloppy makeouts he just witnessed, but he’s already gone. Fiddlesticks.

“Jake? You OK?” Terezi tries to get your attention again.

“Oh, sure, I’m fine,” you say, not convincing yourself. You probably didn’t convince Terezi either, but she chooses not to say anything about it.

“Great!” She almost drags you out of the room, giving you barely enough time to grab your backpack again. “Come on, we need to get there while it’s still light out. Well, you do anyway…”

You try to put Dirk out of your mind for now. After all, this could be fun.

♠♡♢♣

You flashstep out of the classroom, leaving Jake and Terezi behind to… whatever the hell that was. You can’t believe it. Ten seconds. You were delayed ten seconds and everything fell apart. But you know how it’s going to go now. Even if you did tell him how you felt at this point, you know Jake is too nice to dump anyone. That’s the bad thing about having all these plans. You know when it’s time to give up.

You feel a vibration in your pocket. You check your phone. Wait… it’s from Ampora? No, you must be imagining things. You read the message. You then rush out of the school faster than you ever have before.

You try to put Jake out of your mind for now. After all, this undisclosed peril is more important.

♠♡♢♣

You remember standing there, watching the car try in vain to stop. The noises were deafening. The tires squealing, the horn blaring, you screaming her name. She had just stood there, frozen in the road like a frightened deer. You saw her get hit, and you screamed for her again.

“CANDANCE!” You suddenly feel pain in your own head, your own arm. There are tears running down your face, but now you remember it wasn’t her. Not again. You were the one in the road this time. The difference is that you’re still breathing.

Your eyes flutter open. No surprises, you’re in the hospital. Eridan’s there, also not surprising. You are surprised, though, to see Dirk there. He and Eridan are talking with the doctor outside your room. Does Eridan have a black eye? You try to get their attention.

“Hello? I’m awake,” you call out. You… think you call out, anyway. You start to panic when you realize you can’t hear yourself. Now they notice and come into the room. The doctor starts scribbling on his clipboard, then turns it around and shows it to you. You can barely read his handwriting – from the looks of it, you’re suffering from “severe head tramaur” – but you can make out the key phrase. “You’re going to be temporarily deaf.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people starting to write fanfic are teenagers who don’t know how romance really works. Fortunately, when you start to write fanfic, you have the option of writing characters who are teenagers who don’t know how romance really works.
> 
> This brings us to Heather/Eridan. In the original, the conflict between Eridan and Heather’s friend group is initially stated to be some bad blood due to his breakup with Nepeta, but after that boils down entirely to “he’s a douche.” This is solved in a month by the revelation that “no he’s not.” Real high school drama is often more complicated than that*. Heather “making him work to be her man” is a fine, albeit simplistic and naïve, way to run a love story. This would work just fine if Eridan’s only crime was general douchebaggery. However, we have already established that he was responsible for a breakup that forced the girl involved to change schools. Hence my attempts to at least address this topic again before the ship sets sail.
> 
> Also of note is the Jake/Terezi scene. According to Glitch, she had at some point considered confirming Dirk/Jake, but chose a different direction because she preferred the ship. I have done the exact same thing. In my case, however, I did it because I was writing the story one chapter at a time, and to hell with when and how it was going to end. This is, to say the least, not a recommended method of storytelling. In any case, changing ships midway through is another “skipped step” in this story. It’s mentioned that Jake was caught making out with Terezi, which causes Dirk to stop chasing him, but that’s about it. We don’t see it, we don’t really see how it affects Dirk, it just happened offscreen. In my opinion, enough weight was given to that ship from the start that it warranted some kind of closure, so I added the additional scene.
> 
> *High school drama is also, as anyone who has graduated high school will tell you, very stupid.


	6. By Feel Alone

As soon as you got the text, you and John had rushed to the hospital. Now you burst through the doors, explain yourself to the receptionist, and speed down the hall. You find yourself in a completely empty room.

“Dave, are you sure this is Heather’s room?” John asks. You groan.

“Yeah, John, Heather is definitely in here somewhere.”

“Hey, she could be a ghost now. Or invisible.”

“Nah, man, when you turn invisible they give you a big coat, some sunglasses, maybe a hat. That shit’s like regulation attire for invisible dudes.” You pull out your phone and start texting.

“Are you asking Heather what room she’s in?”

“Nope. I’m asking Dirk. I kinda get the feeling Heather told us the wrong room on purpose. Like some crazy scheme to get us together.”

John turns red immediately. “That conversation was supposed to be secret!”

You look up at him. “What conversation?”

♠♡♢♣

“I can’t believe that worked,” you laugh, reveling in the sight of Dave and John holding hands. You’re glad to be walking out of the hospital with your friends. Even if they have to write down everything they want to tell you. “Guess I’ll have to start working on you next, huh Dirk?”

Dirk doesn’t look at you right away, but shakes his head. He doesn’t look amused; actually, he looks almost embarrassed. Your right arm is in a sling, but you put your left around Dirk’s and pull him closer. “Sorry, man.”

Dirk quickly types out a message on his phone and shows it to you. Terezi got to Jake first. Sore subject for Jane too.

He hurries to erase the message as Jane taps him on the shoulder, telling him to type something else. You’re awfully chipper for someone who got hit by a car a few hours ago.

“Oh come on, guys, it’s all temporary!” You’re relieved to be alive, you’re not about to get bummed out over the part that’s inconvenient. “Sorry for scaring everyone, but I’m all right now. So I’m not gonna be able to hear you guys for a few weeks, so what?”

Eridan nudges you and shows you his phone. So you wwon’t be able to hear me. Your loss. You mock-scoff and nudge him back. Soon, you’re in a hip-bumping war, and you both end up laughing. You never thought smug would grow on you, but that wonderful son of a bitch knows how to play it.

♠♡♢♣

This video is going to be lame as hell and you know it. As a Strider, you are the master of the fine lines between great art, ironically bad (and therefore great) art, and pure middle-of-the-road garbage. You won’t have much time to make it any good, either. Heather’s arm is still in a cast, and she can’t hear to stay in time. You’ll be pushing the deadline as it is by the time she’s in any state to film. Right now, you’re getting about the hundredth shot of Eridan walking in front of the camera seductively. You finally decide you can’t take any more of this shit and turn off the camera, giving Eridan a thumbs-up.

“OK, cool, we got all the shots we needed for today,” you say, packing up the equipment.

“Man, this video is gonna be so sweet!” John exclaims. He turns to you. “I’m totally psyched to see how our master director puts it together.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” you assure him, briefly envisioning the SBaHJ-ified version you plan to make for your own amusement later.

Heather notices a poster on the wall and goes over to look at it. Wait… you recognize that poster. It’s a flyer for that stupid-looking Halloween party downtown. Oh fuck, you don’t like the look she’s giving you.

“Oh Daaaaaaave…” she calls. You start wildly shaking your head.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no….”

♠♡♢♣

Yeah, sure.

Heather lights up, pulling you into a hug. “Yes! Dirk, you are officially cooler than Dave.”

I’m already going with Roxy. She’s contracted my services to help smuggle in the booze.

“So what’s her end of the deal?”

Well, she’s convincing Jane to come too….

“Oh reeeeaaally?” You roll your eyes. Heather suddenly remembers something and looks concerned. “Oh no… I already asked Eridan to come, and he said he was gonna talk to Jake. I mean, I know it’s been a couple of weeks, but…” She shows you the flyer.

HALLOWEEN HAVOC  
THIS FRIDAY AT 8  
THE REC CENTER, 1111 TENT LANE  
OPEN MIC WITH DJ GAMZEE MAKARA  
Kicking off the Halloween weekend with an explosion of colors and mayhem! Bring your rainbows and bring your dates!

You hesitate before typing out your next reply to Heather. Well, it’s not going to be fun for either of us seeing Jake and Terezi together. But I think we’ll get over it.

You look at the flyer again and smirk at Heather. Besides, I have to bring you, don’t I, Rainbow?

♠♡♢♣

You show up to the party in the most colorful outfits you could muster. You don’t even know where Dirk found orange overalls. You had gone shopping with Roxy and Jane, and had found striped stockings and skirts of the brightest, loudest colors available. Your lavender skirt and blouse clash splendidly with your pair of red-and-yellow stockings. You painted matching stripes on your cast. You really like Roxy’s scarf, a long pink-and-blue number. You almost wish you had asked Rose to make one for Eridan as well, but mostly you’re just glad you convinced him to wear so much neon pink.

“Guys… we look ridiculous,” you laugh. “I love it. Let’s party!”

The party is already underway when you walk in. Whoever is in charge of this party has really done an impressive job. They rigged up a whole system of blacklights, so the walls are mostly dark. But the Halloween decorations that are on the walls are popping out even more; skeletons and pumpkins are glowing brightly in the darkness. Also glowing is the fluorescent clothing a lot of the people here are wearing. And of course, there are a lot of glowsticks, taken from a table near the entrance piled high with the things.

Even though you still can’t hear yet, you think you could enjoy the party just for the sights if you wanted. But you don’t have to; the speakers are really thumping in here. You follow along with the music just fine from feeling the pounding beats. Before long, you’re practically drunk off the energy in the room – well, that and a little actually drunk thanks to Roxy.

♠♡♢♣

You look ridiculous, you feel ridiculous, and you are not having a very good time. Fuck these stupid overalls. You look over at Jane, where she’s dancing with Roxy and Sollux. Well, you may not be doing very well as her “date,” but she looks like she’s having fun at least. Good for her.

Great, Heather noticed you. She peels herself away from Eridan and comes over to you.

“You gonna cut loose, Rarity?” she calls to you. She’s trying to goad you, but you don’t feel like taking the bait this time. You just shake your head and refuse the drink she’s offering you.

“Come on, Dirk, what’s wrong?” This time, Heather just sounds sympathetic. You jerk your head subtly at the direction of the problem. Jake coordinated with you guys, so at least he looks stupid with his lime green shirt and candy apple shorts. But Terezi actually looks really cool in her teal and red getup. It’s like Jake’s unwittingly mocking you. Heather glances over at the couple, then slings her good arm around your shoulders.

“Go talk to Jane. It’d be good for both of you.” You dismiss that suggestion, but she seems persistent. “Then have a drink, loosen up. At least have a little fun? Please?” You reluctantly take the cup. She kisses you on the cheek and goes back to dance with Eridan.

You down the drink. It’s something pumpkin-flavored and not exactly weak. God damn it, everyone else here is having a good time. Heather and Eridan, Jake and Terezi, Roxy and Sollux and…. Jane. Jane is no longer dancing. You scan around for someone in yellow and pink, and find her sitting alone. Maybe she’s not having as good a time as you thought. You look down at your empty cup.

Oh, fuck it.

♠♡♢♣

You wander away from Roxy and Sollux and go sit down for a minute. Phew, you really needed a break. You’re not used to parties like this, and even though they’re really fun… well, they’re only fun for so long.

There’s Jake dancing with Terezi. Stupid Terezi and her stupid cool outfit. Oh, darn it, you promised you wouldn’t do this to yourself tonight. Tonight was supposed to just be a fun night out with your best friends.

Speaking of your best friends, is that Dirk clambering up to the mic? He looks… very drunk. You stifle a giggle – he looks so adorably goofy right now. He swipes the mic and… looks… straight at you?! The DJ cuts the music, and looks at Dirk expectantly.

“All right, this one goes out to a very special girl out there tonight. Janey, I fucking love you!” And then he starts to sing.

Oh, no.

♠♡♢♣

That… was not exactly what you meant by “talk to Jane.” You see her turn crimson immediately. You try not to look at Jane too much, for fear of making her more self-conscious, but toward the end she’s at least putting on a weak, confused smile. You may have made a mistake.

But, surprisingly, after Dirk’s song is over, he doesn’t go straight for Jane. As soon as he gets off the stage, he looks embarrassed, and he stumbles over to go sit down somewhere else. Dirk looks mortified and refuses to look at Jane. But Jane looks kind of amused now, and keeps glancing over at Dirk. And Eridan looks annoyed that you aren’t paying attention to him while you’re dancing together.

You should probably let those two sort things out on their own from here.

♠♡♢♣

You wake up the next morning with a pounding headache. You don’t immediately know where you are, and your keys aren’t in your pocket. This starts to alarm you until you take another second to think. You’re in a heap with your friends, most of whom are still asleep. You remember gulping down about four of those pumpkin drinks before going on stage, so somebody must have had the sense to take your keys. And now that you look again, you do remember being here once before, a long time ago. This is Eridan’s house.

You need water. Which, if you remember correctly, means you need to go downstairs. So you get up and sneak around your sleeping friends to the stairs. When you get to the bottom, you immediately see Jane sleeping face down on the couch. Your keys are on the table next to the couch. And there are already several bottles of Gatorade lined up for relief supplies.

You take one and try to open it without waking Jane, but she stirs, sits up, and sees you. She looks very groggy, almost like she has a hangover herself.

“So,” you begin.

“So,” she responds.

“I… went overboard.”

Jane giggles. “You made an ass of yourself is more accurate. Come on, sit down.” She pats the couch cushion next to her. You take a seat, as well as a swig of your drink, and Jane continues. “We’re both pretty messed up right now, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say that. By all appearances, you’ve got your shit pretty much on lock. While everyone else was losing their goddamn minds, myself included for once, you figured out how to get me to surrender my keys, herded several drunk teens into my truck, and drove it here yourself.”

“Are you saying you ever doubted my detective skills, Mr. Strider?” You grunt appreciatively. It’s really all you can muster right now with the headache. “Besides, some of the credit should go to Eridan, our other designated driver.”

“Oh please, don’t talk about Ampora right now, the hangover’s bad enough.”

“You know, Dirk, your moirail is his matesprit. You’re going to have to deal with him, even more so than most of us.”

“Exactly. I waited too long to stop this from happening, and now I have to hear about him all the time. I swear I hate him more now than I did before Heather started dating him.”

“You know, I never really understood how that works.”

“She’s delusional and he doesn’t care.”

“Not Heather and Eridan. Heather and you. With all this going on, why would you want to be her moirail, and not just her friend?”

You’re surprised to find that you don’t immediately have the answer. But looking at Jane makes you realize something.

“She helps remind me that people aren’t always that complicated after all.”

“Well, she certainly brings out a different side of you.” You both feel flushed, and look away for a moment. Jane looks back up first. “Is that why you were going after Jake?”

“I suppose that was part of it. The rest was a complicated equation involving shared interests, banter compatibility, and peer pressure. What about you?”

“I grew up with him, and I guess it just sort of spiraled out of some childhood fantasy.” She pauses. “We’re both idiots, aren’t we?”

“Absolutely.” There’s another long pause.

“Dirk? Did you mean it? Last night, at the party, when you said that you loved me?”

“I was drunk, and pissed off at pretty much everything. I did and said a lot of things I wouldn’t have otherwise. …But, yes. I meant that.”

Jane leans her head on your shoulder, seemingly about to drift off to sleep again. You put your arm around her so she can snuggle closer to you. “I’m glad.” She gives you a wry look. “Because I am not about to be just a rebound from Jake English.”

Somehow, your headache doesn’t seem quite as bad now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my opinion, one of the best ways to get people on your original character’s side is to give them low points. This is something that I am, personally, spectacularly bad at. Put your character in situations that are embarrassing or awkward or painful, because people can relate to those moments. Don’t make it easy for them, and don’t make the tragedy appealing (righteous suffering is allowed only if the character is not insufferable about it).
> 
> With that in mind, the aftermath of the car accident is probably the most spectacularly missed opportunity in the original “New” for Heather to face a challenge of some sort. Instead, not only she but Dave knows ASL , and so being deaf is no hindrance at all. Also, three weeks pass between scenes and everything is better.
> 
> I won’t pretend to have made Heather face some big struggle with her injuries. Like I said, I’m spectacularly bad at that. Besides, Heather’s not an overly dramatic person, and she’s generally pretty optimistic. I only claim to have improved upon the original because I acknowledge that her injuries affect her for a while. She has to at least face some inconveniences because of them.
> 
> Also, I fleshed out the process of Dirk and Jane getting together. Now, there is nothing necessarily wrong with simply setting up that two characters like each other, then having one of them admit it and then they’re together. But some ships, especially non-canon ones, are hard sells. If you want your readers to accept that it’s happening, give them good reasons to. I always like a good conversation to establish a relationship. The dialogue doesn’t have to be about them as a couple, either; good chemistry can be obvious from everyday small talk if done right. After all, banter is where you get the basis for a lot of non-canon ships in the first place.


	7. Against Expectations

Your silent suffering behind the camera continues. Now that Heather’s arm has finally healed, you can at least film her parts of the video. You do have to admit, Heather’s dress looks pretty good, and yeah Eridan’s also in a suit. Unfortunately, you’re filming in the school, which completely ruins any dignity this thing had.

John hangs behind you, clearly liking this video. Of course, John also likes 90s schlock unironically, the lovable dork. Finally, you get the last shot of them twirling around each other.

“And you’re seriously making me wait for us to lay down the track?” you ask Heather.

“We’ve got one more day. My hearing’s almost back to normal, I promise I’ll be ready to sing tomorrow.” Heather and Eridan go off to change back into normal clothes.

“Oh, and Dave, you can go ahead home, Eridan’s giving me a ride,” Heather calls back at you. “Movie night tonight, celebrating my working arm.” And she goes into the bathroom.

You look over at John and wink. “So Heather’s out with Eridan tonight, and Dirk’s out with Jane. We’ve got the place to ourselves.”

John gives you his huge bucktoothed smile. “Great! I think I know exactly what I want to do tonight….”

♠♡♢♣

You show up to Jane’s house dressed to a T, with flowers ready. She already looks excited when she answers the door, but she blushes even more when you hand her the flowers.

“Gosh, Dirk, this is all so thoughtful! Thank you.”

“Well, it’s no drunken karaoke, but I guess a real, respectable dinner date will have to do.”

Jane laughs and kisses you. “I don’t know about you, but I am starving.”

♠♡♢♣

You sit in the theater with Eridan, holding hands and leaning on his shoulder. Your hearing’s still a little spotty, but you picked an action movie, so it doesn’t matter much anyway. Besides, you would pay your ten bucks just to sit with Eridan. He’s your rock, reliable and predictable when you’re all over the place.

For an action movie, this just got unexpectedly sad. You’re sniffling, hoping it’s not too loud. Apparently it is, as the annoyed-looking boy next to you taps you on the shoulder and basically shoves a handkerchief at you. You take it appreciatively and proceed to honk into it. This does not appear to reduce your neighbor’s annoyance.

“Sorry.” With a sheepish grin, you offer the handkerchief back, but at this point he doesn’t seem to want it. You’re pretty sure he growls “Just… keep it.”

“Thanks, Mr….” You trail off expectantly. He seems surprised that you’re asking his name. It’s actually kind of cute. He leans over and mumbles, “Vantas. Karkat Vantas,” then goes back to watching the screen.

You try not to disturb him for the rest of the movie.

♠♡♢♣

Eridan takes you back to his place after the movie. You had asked if Eridan knew Karkat, but no luck. You regret not getting that kid’s number, because something about him keeps nagging at you. It’s like you know him from somewhere.

“Is your dad ever home?” you ask Eridan, trying to put Karkat out of your mind for now.

“Lucky for us, not really.” God you’re glad that your hearing is coming back. You kiss Eridan, and soon it becomes a very heavy makeout session. You’re almost completely lying down on the couch, with Eridan leaning over your body to get to your lips. Then his hand wanders toward the waistband of your pants.

You stop. “Eridan… what are you doing?”

He looks flustered. He clearly didn’t expect you to object. “Oh… I just… thought that…”

You’re trying not to get upset. “Eridan, I don’t think I’m quite ready for anything down there, OK? And besides, I’d like to be sure I can hear everything before we start getting serious.”

You’ve both sat up. “Oh. Sorry. I guess we can just…” He leans in again for the kiss, but you stand up instead.

“No, I… I think I’d like to just go home now.” You are upset now. He goes for his keys, but you stop him. “It’s not that far. I can walk.”

“Heather, come on…” he calls out after you, but you walk out and close the door. You don’t feel comfortable leaning against your rock right now.

♠♡♢♣

Heather left. She just walked out and left you. For fuck’s sake, you didn’t mean to do anything wrong. You stopped when she said to, what’s wrong with that? You kick the leg of the couch. Should you be going after her right now, or would that just make things worse?

You decide to just sit down and fume. Normally, you like Heather’s whirlwind nature. But what can you do if she’s going to be this unpredictable?

You need someone to talk to. Jake? No, he and Terezi were going treasure hunting or something tonight. Sollux? You don’t think his attitude’s what you want right now. Kanaya? Absolutely not. You scroll down and see a contact that catches your eye. You sit there for a minute, thinking. You probably shouldn’t dial this number.

You dial that number.

♠♡♢♣

You come home still angry. You need Dirk, or Dave, or someone. You get in the door and find more people than you expected. Dave, John, Jade, Rose, and Kanaya are all watching some Nicolas Cage flick on the TV. Dave doesn’t look happy about it. He notices you coming in, and whether it’s because he notices your mood or because he wants to escape the Cage, he comes over to talk to you.

“What’s up, Heather? Thought you were with Eridan.”

“We had some problems. I want to talk about it, but… not in front of everyone.”

“Sure. You want some shitty acting to top off your shitty night?” You kind of just want to go to bed. But maybe it couldn’t hurt. You nod and go sit in front of the couch next to Jade. You give her a tighter hug than she probably expected, but she hugs you back. It helps.

After the movie’s over, Jade leaves with Rose and Kanaya. Dave looks at John, who gives him a little shrug. Dave sighs, and they start heading for the door as well. But something makes you stop them.

“Hey John, do you know someone called Karkat?”

“Sure, Heather. He went to Prospit Primary with us. Why?” Apparently you weren’t that social when you were little. You guess that could explain why he seemed familiar, though.

“Oh, OK. He was at the movie tonight, and I couldn’t quite place the name.”

“I’ll be back soon,” Dave assures you. And he goes to take John home.

♠♡♢♣

You have trouble sleeping that night. Dave had come back, looking disappointed, and Dirk had come back, looking ecstatic. You had told them what happened, and they had assured you that you weren’t the crazy one. You’re not really mad at Eridan anymore, though. He fucked up, but you can forgive him for that.

You remember being home with Candance. Sometimes, you’d go to bed when she was still out with Bro, but you’d always stay up until you heard the door of your room rattle a little. It meant that the front door had opened, and that you weren’t alone anymore. Now you can’t sleep, and it feels like you’re waiting for that sound again.

You do hear something. For the first time in weeks, you can actually hear the sounds from downstairs as Bro walks into the house. Everyone’s home. You’re not alone. And you drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Referencing things that are happening to you while you’re writing your fanfic is a quick and easy way to connect yourself to the characters. Unfortunately, there is no better way to make a fanfic horribly dated.
> 
> In the original “New,” Heather goes with Dirk to see The Great Gatsby. This means that scene takes place in summer 2013. In a later chapter, they celebrate the Wendy Davis filibuster*, which took place on June 25, 2013. Remember that in the last chapter, they were at a Halloween party**. This creates a time skip of seven or eight months with no explanation. According to Glitch, she realized this, but left the skip in as a half-intentional transition. However, I decided to compress the timeframe and leave the movie unnamed.
> 
> Compressing the timeframe has consequences. For instance, a relationship that might be moving too quickly. In the original, there was the vague implication of possible trouble in paradise between Eridan and Heather, but nothing came of it. So I pressed the issue, also aiming for this scene to give a little insight into Heather and Eridan’s differences.
> 
> *Unsurprisingly, no part of that chapter appears in this rewrite. There’s a reason that Hussie largely uses references that are 10-20 years old. By then, the things that really left an impact have filtered out.
> 
> **Incidentally, Halloween 2012 was on a Wednesday. In the context of the original, this is kind of hilarious.


	8. The Talent Show

AC: :33 so then charlie started dating vwhiskers  
GA: I Cant Imagine You Were In Favor Of This  
AC: :33 not really no  
AC: :33 tavros tried to tell him about her hisstory but couldnt change his mind   
GA: Remind Me Again  
GA: Tavros Is Which One  
AC: :33 tavros is the one who likes to play silly games with me!  
GA: I Dont Recall That One  
AC: :33 yknow… the one in the wh33lchair  
GA: You Mean The One Without Any Self Esteem  
AC: :33 well i wouldnt say he doesnt have aaaany self est33m  
AC: :33 he yowled at drew once when tavros still liked vwhiskers  
GA: And Drew Is Vriskas Stalker  
AC: :33 yes!  
GA: Oh Not Again  
AC: :33 ampurra?  
GA: Who Else  
GA: I Will Talk To You Again Soon I Promise  
GA: And I Will Try To Remember All Your Friends Next Time

\--grimAuxiliatrix ceased pestering arsenicCatnip--

\--caligulasAquarium began pestering grimAuxiliatrix--

CA: kan i almost fucked up big time  
CA: i cant believe i’m evven sayin this but i need your help  
GA: Do You Really  
GA: Because My Advice Is Only Useful If Listened To  
GA: All Empirical Evidence Points To You Being Especially Unwilling To Listen  
CA: i wwasnt comin to you for advvice before but noww its perfectly fuckin solicited  
CA: kan this is about me and heather and its important  
GA: Fine  
GA: I Am Listening

♠♡♢♣

Finally, you and Dave can hit the recording booth. And by recording booth, you mean a microphone in one of the school’s music practice rooms. Your singing is still a little rusty from the hearing loss, but you’ve only got one more day to finish this project. No time for practice. Still, it’s almost like riding a bicycle. Your performance is infused with all the emotions you’ve felt about Eridan lately, and your whirlwind starts to form beautiful patterns. Dave joins in at some spots. There’s support in his voice, and his own emotion. Your voices mingle together well, two different stories in parallel, and when you add the finishing flourish, you both have to take a moment to breathe.

You then fist bump because that was one sweet-ass take.

“You know, Dave,” you say as the two of you step out to where John and Eridan are waiting, “the talent show isn’t that far away. We do something like this again, we could win that thing.”

“Don’t you have a matesprit and a moirail for that?”

“Dave. You know Dirk can’t sing. A lot of us learned that recently.”

“And there’s a reason I wasn’t recording with you two,” Eridan points out. Dave sighs.

“Man, I didn’t sign up for this. Tell you what, you give me a good song and I’ll think about it. Anyway, see you at home, H. Gotta get this video together.”

You and Eridan leave the room, leaving John and Dave to finish up. Eridan turns to you and says what he’s clearly been wanting to say since you met up to work on the project.

“Heather, I need to tell you something. About last night….”

“Eridan, it’s OK. I love you, and I think you know you made a mistake. Just… don’t do it again, K?” You give him a kiss on the cheek and a reassuring smile. For a moment, he looks like he’s going to say something else, but then he stops and smiles back.

“So how about coming over to my place tonight?” he asks.

“I wish. But I’m really swamped with homework tonight. I’ll let you know, OK baby?” Eridan looks a little deflated, but gives you a grin and nods before walking away.

Then Connie Peixes comes out of nowhere, screaming at you.

“You bitch!” she screeches, flying at you in a rage. You barely have time to register what’s happening before she slaps you. You let your head roll with it to lighten the impact, giving her a quick punch to the gut in the meantime. She wheezes, but grabs hold of your ponytail and shoves you into the lockers. By then, Eridan has come running back, and Kanaya has appeared from around the corner. They work to pull Connie off of you, and Kanaya holds her back. A crowd starts gathering around the fight.

“What the fuck, Connie?” you roar.

“You’re sleeping with my matesprit, you slut!” Connie screams. Eridan has to hold you back now.

“You mean Eridan? Oh, hell no. Listen here chica, I’m only gonna say this once: he was never your boyfriend! You fucking stalked him!”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Connie yells. Kanaya’s looking at Eridan for help. He steps between you and Connie.

“Connie. Listen. I was never your matesprit. My one and only love is Heather. So back the hell off.” Eridan looks scary intense right now. Something finally registers with Connie; she looks hurt and ashamed. She wrenches free from Kanaya’s grip and pushes through the crowd, clearly on the verge of tears.

There’s an awkward moment where you’re all still recovering from what happened. Kanaya is still giving Eridan a suspicious look, Eridan’s looking at you, and you’re looking where Connie ran off.

“So… see you tomorrow?” you finally say, to break the silence. Eridan nods, kisses you on the forehead, and walks back off. Kanaya’s brow is furrowed, and she is still looking after Eridan. You try to get her attention.

“Hey Kanaya, can I ask you a favor?” She snaps out of it and looks at you.

“What kind of favor?”

“Well, I’m singing with Dave in the talent show…”

Kanaya raises an eyebrow, surprised. “And does Dave know about this?”

“…Maybe?”

♠♡♢♣

“No fucking way,” Dave tells you.

“Come ooooooon, Dave,” you plead, “it’ll be fun!”

“You have a really loose grasp on the definition of fun.”

“Don’t pretend you’ve never wanted to do something ridiculous on stage.”

“Man, ridiculous things are my fucking jam. Dr. Freud himself would look through my dossier and throw up his hands because the shit I come up with is fucking inscrutable. But I don’t do that in person, cause I’m not a clown. That’s what we’ve got all these for.” Dave throws a smuppet into your face.

“Dude, can you at least do it for John? I already told him I wanted to do it, and he’s really psyched.”

“Now that’s just ruthless, H. But you got me. I’ll do it.”

♠♡♢♣

A few days pass. Your group turns in one kickass music video, you and Dave practice for the talent show, and Kanaya makes you both the outfits you asked her for. You barely see Eridan outside of school, but you’re so busy you hardly notice. On the one day that you’re not too busy, you decide to finally put the rainbow streaks back in your hair. You’ve missed the color.

“Why don’t you ask Dave again?” Dirk sighs. “He’ll be back from his date with John before long.”

“Yeah but you’re here now!” you insist. “Besides, you’re the one who calls me Rainbow.”

Dirk groans, and rolls his eyes, but he does eventually help you. It takes a while to get all the colors in, but you love the look when you’re done. You wander into the kitchen, wearing only a bra and jeans. Quite soon after, you shriek and dash out, swearing at John and Dave.

“Oh my god, Heather!” John yells, slamming his eyes shut.

“My eyes!” Dave cries melodramatically, and you toss a towel back at him.

“You could have warned me they were back, Dirk!” you yell at your moirail, and he laughs. A few minutes later, you walk back into the kitchen, this time wearing a shirt. “I hate you all,” you mumble, and Dirk laughs again.

He stops when you shove ice down his shirt.

♠♡♢♣

You and Dave wait backstage while the rest of the acts go on. You’re the last act, which makes you incredibly nervous, but of course Dave doesn’t seem to give a shit. He’s in a dark red suit with a gold tie and grey skinny jeans, and you’re wearing a gold corset with a black vest tucked into your red mini shorts. Dave’s wearing his shades, and you’re wearing a pair that Bro bought you, gold Ray-bans.

You can hear Roxy and Jane’s number, and you can see most of it from the wings. They’re perfectly in sync, and they look fantastic. When they’re done, you join in the cheers. But you’re even more nervous now that you’ve seen them.

♠♡♢♣

You and Rose are sitting with Dirk and John. Fortunately for you, Eridan decided to sit on the other side of the audience, with Jake, Terezi, and Sollux. Roxy and Jane open the show, and their performance is also excellent from the front.

A few more acts go on from people you almost recognize. Jade performs a lovely flute solo. More acts. The next-to-last one surprises you. It’s Connie, in a bright purple leotard. She steps out to center stage. The music starts, and she begins to dance like you’ve never seen anyone dance before. She looks guided by such passion, and focus, and something else you can’t quite place. By the end, you finally know what it is. Rage. When she finishes, you’re all stunned, but you applaud automatically in spite of yourselves.

Then Heather and Dave take the stage for the finale. Rose stifles a snigger when she sees the outfits and turns to you.

“Kanaya… did you really design those?” she whispers. You give her a sly smile.

“Heather gave me all the specifics. She did not ask whether I thought they would look good.” You both have to try not to laugh at that. Then Heather starts singing:

“How do I, get through one night without you?  
If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?”

John looks absolutely mesmerized. Dave joins in for the chorus. It’s a nice song-and-dance routine, but it gets much better at the end. During the last chorus, Dave begins removing his suit to reveal a white wife-beater beneath. From backstage, someone tosses a stuffed rabbit. Dave catches it, and on the last line, he presents it to Heather.

As the audience applauds, even Heather looks like she’s going to collapse into hysterics.

♠♡♢♣

You and Dave rejoin your friends in the audience while Ms. Paint begins the awards ceremony. You think the routine went well, all things considered. You really wish Dave had told you about his big finish, though.

“In third place, Jade Harley!” Ms. Paint announces. Jade gives a little squeal of excitement and goes on stage to collect her trophy.

“In second place, Connie Peixes!” Oh no. Connie looks surprisingly calm as she accepts her award, but she still looks happy enough to piss you off.

“And last, but not least, our winners! In first place for the Skaia High Talent Show, we have Roxy Lalonde and Jane Crocker!” Your friends stand up, hug each other, and are practically carried onstage by Dirk and Sollux. They blush as the audience goes wild once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before the talent show happens in the original “New,” there is a series of very short scenes, mostly consisting of a few lines of dialogue with little context. They rapidly change between viewpoints, and it’s honestly pretty confusing trying to keep up with them. The most I can make of this is that Glitch was, in a way, attempting to write a montage sequence. Don’t do this. If you want to illustrate that kind of thing in a text-based format, a descriptive paragraph works much better. For instance, don’t write:
> 
> ““Lord Deathflame’s army approaches! We must train!”
> 
> “Bob, pick up that shield and march!” “Yes, sir.”
> 
> “Steve, we found the firewood you asked for.” “Good, put it on the pile, Fred.” “Sure thing, boss.”
> 
> “Bob, what did I tell you about that shield?” Bob nodded, hoisted his shield proudly, and doubled his speed.
> 
> “Yes, recruits. Now, you’re ready.””
> 
> I’m sure you can picture that translating pretty well into a movie montage. But it doesn’t work written out. Something like this would work much better:
> 
> “For weeks, Steve trained his men to fight Lord Deathflame’s army. He led his squadrons on brutal exercises. It seemed nearly hopeless. Bob could barely march with his shield at the beginning. But Steve kept pushing them. He instructed Fred and his platoon to gather firewood every night. By the next week, even Bob was hoisting his shield proudly, and led the entire march. It wasn’t easy, but soon, they were ready.”
> 
> Also, yes, I had Heather lose the talent show. One reason for this is that I felt bad for not doing anything with Jade for the whole story. Also, I think there’s a lesson to learn there that as long as you put on an enjoyable performance that you can be proud of, it doesn’t matter whether you win or not – this is, of course, absolutely nothing personal about high school talent shows. Not at all.


	9. Perfect, and Less Than

After the talent show, you go to the Lalondes’ to celebrate. The ride over there with Eridan, though, is relatively quiet.

“I thought you and Dave did great,” Eridan assures you.

“Thanks,” you mumble.

“It’s a stupid school talent show judged by stupid teachers. Nobody actually cares who wins unless it’s them.” He takes one hand off the wheel and offers it to you. You wrap your fingers around his, and it helps a little.

The party at the Lalonde house is what really helps. You get to just chill on a beanbag chair with all your friends. Everyone tells you that they loved you and Dave together, and how you should have gotten second instead of Connie.

“Let’s just say, go ladies!” you holler, hoping to drop the subject.

“Yeah, Jane, you and Roxy were great!” Jade adds.

“Oh, shush, you,” Jane says with a little blush and smile, “you didn’t too so badly yourself!” She swats at Jade, who leans backwards and tips you over into Eridan’s lap. You giggle.

“Hey, doll,” he grins. You two kiss, and keep kissing until Kanaya throws a pillow at you.

“Keep it PG, please,” Kanaya says with reserve. You throw the pillow back, missing Kanaya and hitting Jade.

“Shit fuck oh god!” Squealing, you struggle to get off of Eridan and away from Jade, who has a murderous grin on her face. Eridan, laughing, wraps his arms around you and holds you down. “Eridan, you traitor, I swear…!” While you threaten your boyfriend, Jade approaches and begins to tickle your feet.

“Revenge, Heather!” Jade yells, and you squeal again, wriggling around. “Give it up, baby!” Eridan laughs.

“Never – stopitEridan! Jadeplease!” Your words slur together between your gasps of laughter.

When they finally stop tickling you, John has managed to take over the TV and put on a movie. You all fall asleep in piles that night. Your feet on Dave’s lap, your ass on Dirk’s, and your head on Eridan’s, you are perfectly content. You’re with the people you love.

♠♡♢♣

The next morning, you had all planned to disperse, but that doesn’t seem to happen for a while. Jane and Dirk make an incredible batch of cookies, and you all get your asses handed to you at Halo by Roxy and Sollux. John tries to take control of the TV, but is thankfully stopped by Rose.

“Now, what should we watch?” she asks innocently, holding a pouting John back from the remote. You laugh. This is perfection.

♠♡♢♣

Monday morning at school, however, is less than perfect. By lunchtime, a text appears to have spread throughout the school:

Heather Jacobs and Dave Strider are cheating on their boyfriends – with each other!

“It’s Connie,” Eridan growls at the table. “This is exactly what she did to Nepeta, except she’s not waiting for us to break up this time.” You and Dave are the only two others at the table that don’t look at all concerned about this. Kanaya is looking almost accusingly between you and Eridan.

“Kanaya, you don’t believe her, do you?” you ask, shocked. Whatever had come over Kanaya seems to stop.

“Of course I don’t,” she scoffs. “I’m just worried that people outside this table might.”

“I’ve asked around a little,” Sollux adds, “but everyone I’ve talked to is pretty skeptical. Something about a fight a couple weeks ago.”

“Still, couldn’t hurt to put these rumors to rest,” you muse, turning to Dave. “How about it?” He shrugs, and nudges John. The three of you get up and go find where Connie is sitting.

“What do you want?” she groans. At least she isn’t screaming at you anymore; she just looks annoyed. You smile as passive-aggressively as you can.

“Well, Connie, I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors about me and Dave, and we were just wondering…” You sit down across from her. Her friends all give you very nasty looks. “You didn’t happen to start those texts flying, did you?”

“No, I didn’t,” she says simply. “But come on, the way you two were dancing at the talent show? I’d believe it.”

“Yeah, OK,” you laugh. You then stand up and begin speaking very loudly. Heads start to turn. “Lesson numero uno about Dave Strider. He likes to leave hickeys. Lots of hickeys.” You pull up your hair to reveal a pristine neck. On the other hand, when John takes off the scarf he’s taken to wearing recently, he reveals a neck peppered with bite marks. Some people at other tables start to murmur.

“My boyfriend,” Dave announces, gesturing to John. “Not my boyfriend.” He gestures to you. You look down at Connie.

“I’d say you can call the witch hunt off now,” you say, smiling broadly. “What about you?”

Connie leans her face heavily on one hand and waves you off with the other. “Fine, whatever. Please just leave me alone.” As you walk away, you hear her mutter “losers” under her breath.

You go back to the table, where most of your friends are giggling. You join in as soon as you sit down.

“Guys… that was so cliché,” you say, and start up another round of hysterics.

Less than perfect. But all in all, not bad in the end.

♠♡♢♣

It’s the perfect night for thinking. You’re thinking about everything that’s happened to you. It’s only been a few months since you came to this school, and you’ve met the closest friends you’ve ever had. You met Dirk. You met Eridan. It’s the perfect night for thinking about Eridan.

You step closer to the edge of the roof.

You’re already too close.

♠♡♢♣

You’d heard the impact immediately. You and Dave had rushed out to find Heather lying face down on the concrete. You could do nothing as you waited for the ambulance but wonder how it had happened. Now, you sit in the ambulance with Heather slipping away beside you.

Eridan meets you at the hospital, in shock. You think she catches a glimpse of him through half-closed eyes, and smiles weakly. But you don’t have long to wait after that. There wasn’t much they could do for damage that extensive.

The three of you sit in silence for a while before any of you truly admit that it’s time to leave. Heather is gone.

♠♡♢♣

You’re back at home. Like it was before, just you, Dave, and Bro. The door to Dave’s room is ajar. You find him staring at his computer screen. He’s playing the music video they’d made for class, clasping his headphones as though trying to hear more of her. You keep heading upstairs. You can hear Bro on the phone, in a shouting match with Heather’s foster parents.

“There was nothing I could do….” “We’re hurting just as much as you are…” He gets quiet, and you go back downstairs to see what’s happening. You can see Bro shaking and crying into the phone. “Sue me for negligence if you want, but it won’t do you any good. It’s still going to hurt. And I’ve got two kids left who need me. Please don’t hurt them too.” You don’t make your presence known. Instead you go up to the roof.

The open air feels good. It’s cool and crisp and feels as though it’s trying to wake you up from this bad dream. You see something on the edge of the roof. You walk over and pick it up. It’s Lil Cal. She must have tripped over him and fallen.

She must have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a saying that goes “dying is easy; comedy is hard.” Please remember that this saying was coined by an actor, not a writer.
> 
> Heather’s death is the crown jewel of “New” going over the top. The circumstances of the death are one thing. Accidentally taking one step and falling off a roof right after dancing all over it no problem is implausible, but that’s not what really sells it.
> 
> The kicker is, she doesn’t die immediately. After hitting concrete four floors down, she manages to last the night, slip into a coma, then wake up just long enough to get final death speeches to her loved ones. This is the height of fanfic cliché, and it’s what makes the original “New” worth reading all the way through.
> 
> But fixing the cliché is not easy. Sometimes it requires having the courage to let your characters die without that last speech, without the crying loved ones gathered around the hospital bed as they fade away. I nearly didn’t have the heart to go all the way, either. I almost left in a mention of Heather, in the ambulance, somehow summoning the strength to send out the text “I love you all” to her friends. But in the end, that was still too ridiculous.
> 
> When writing a death scene, you will always have in mind that the last words the character says should be powerful. And they really can be. But never forget that what is left unsaid can be even more powerful.


	10. She's Delusional, and He Doesn't Care

You were chatting and flirting with Rose at lunch. Eridan tried to come up to your table, and you all gave him a dirty look. Eridan was taken aback, and looked across the table for help. But Nepeta was the only one not looking at him.

“How dare you,” Dirk growled at Eridan. “You break Nepeta’s heart, and then you spread lies about her?”

“Guys, I didn’t…” Eridan stammered. But no one wanted to listen. Eventually, he left. But something didn’t strike you the right way. You stood up and started to follow him.

“Kanaya, what’s wrong?” Rose called after you.

“I’m going to give him one more chance to set things right.”

♠♡♢♣

When you caught up with Eridan, he started pleading with you. “Kan, this is all a huge misunderstanding.”

“Oh? Perhaps you could clear it up for me, because Nepeta refuses to elaborate on why exactly you broke up. It took quite a bit of coaxing for her to admit to me that you cheated on her.”

“I didn’t cheat on her. It was a completely different quadrant.”

“Oh no. I believe I see where this is going. Don’t tell me you actually gave in to her persistent demands?”

“Yes, I slept with Connie, OK? But it was completely black. I’ve always been very clear with her how much I hate her.”

“Eridan, she is delusional. She is practically incapable of believing relations with you can ever be black.”

“But that’s not my fault. I never mixed my quadrants.”

“Then why did you keep it secret from Nepeta so long?”

“Because I knew she wouldn’t understand. I never meant to hurt her. And I never meant for Connie to start spreading all this shit around.”

“If you really care about Nepeta, you can still set things right.”

“Of course I care about Nepeta.”

“Then tell the truth. Admit what you did to everyone, tell them you made up lies to cover for your own guilt, and tell Nepeta you know what you did was wrong.”

♠♡♢♣

“Kanaya, you look like you have something to say.”

“Not at all,” you said coldly, still not looking at Heather. “You have, after all, not been here long. Clearly you must not be aware of what Eridan has done in the past.”

“Dirk told me about what happened with Nepeta,” she replied. You got up suddenly, on the verge of telling her what really happened. You had kept Eridan’s secrets in the foolish hope that he’d admit what he’d done. But if she, like everyone else, suspected him of the wrong crime….

Before you could say anything else, Rose intervened with a hand on your own.

“Kanaya, just hear her out,” Rose said quietly. It was too late to tell everyone. You sat back down and listened.

♠♡♢♣

You and Eridan were standing outside the hospital. It would be a while before Heather woke up, and Dirk was in there anyway. The doctor had said she was going to be OK, but with a broken arm and potential hearing loss.

“What did you tell her exactly?” you demanded of Eridan again.

“I told her what happened. That me and Nepeta broke up, and that Connie spread around the rumors about her.”

“And did you tell her why you and Nepeta broke up?”

“She never asked.”

“Of course she didn’t. And you would never voluntarily admit that you were at fault, would you, Eridan?”

“I couldn’t tell her. I love her.”

“You should have told her the truth rather than lie to keep her. But now it’s too late. I told Nepeta that I would keep you two happy.”

Eridan stopped and grinned. “Are you saying that after all this time, Nepeta wants me to be happy?”

And that’s when you punched Eridan in the face. He staggered back, clutching his eye.

“Listen to me, you cold-blooded barracuda,” you hissed, “I promised Nepeta that I wouldn’t let you break Heather’s heart like you broke hers. I am not going to tell Heather what happened. That has always been your responsibility. But I will not let you ruin another girl’s life.”

You stayed outside while Eridan headed back into the hospital, nursing a black eye.

♠♡♢♣

Heather left. She just walked out and left you.

You probably shouldn’t dial this number.

You dialed that number.

“Connie? It’s Eridan. I just want to talk.”

♠♡♢♣

\--caligulasAquarium began pestering grimAuxiliatrix--

CA: kan i almost fucked up big time  
CA: i cant believe im evven sayin this but i need your help  
GA: Do You Really  
GA: Because My Advice Is Only Useful If Listened To  
GA: All Empirical Evidence Points To You Being Especially Unwilling To Listen  
CA: i wwasnt comin to you for advvice before but noww its perfectly fuckin solicited  
CA: kan this is about me and heather and its important  
GA: Fine  
GA: I Am Listening  
CA: heather wwalked out on me and i almost told connie to come ovver  
CA: i wwas on the fuckin phone wwith her kan  
GA: Why Did Heather Walk Out On You  
CA: its not important  
GA: Lets Assume I Actually Believe That The Reason Your Matesprit Walked Out On You Is Not Important  
GA: What Do You Need From Me  
CA: i need you to auspisticize betwween me and connie  
GA: That Is Impossible  
GA: One Cannot Be An Auspistice For Someone Without Black Feelings  
CA: kan youvve got to at least try  
CA: you wwere right  
CA: i fucked up and i should havve owwned up to it  
CA: but i didnt and noww its too late and all i can fuckin do is try not to do it again  
GA: You Can Still Tell Heather The Truth  
GA: Now Might Be The Best Opportunity You Have  
GA: But You Wont Listen To Me About That  
GA: I Will Try To Talk To Connie  
GA: Not For Your Sake  
GA: But For Heathers

♠♡♢♣

You approached Connie in the hall with some distaste.

“Miss Peixes?” you said hesitantly. She turned around.

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“I just wanted to talk to you about Eridan.”

“What do you know about my buoyfriend?”

“That he’s not looking for anything red from you. He’s dating Heather Jacobs…” Connie immediately stormed off. You heard her scream “you bitch!” and then you heard a slap.

Oh dear.

You rushed back in and broke up the fight. Eridan told Connie off in no uncertain terms. And Connie had left in tears. You looked at Eridan in disbelief. It was so easy for him to crush Connie’s feelings, no matter how twisted they might be. But he seemed to have reconciled with Heather just fine. What had he told her?

“Hey Kanaya, can I ask you a favor?”

♠♡♢♣

It had been a while since you and Heather had gone on a date. She was so busy with the talent show, she barely even talked to you outside of school. But she was free to spend all of her time with Dave. She and Dave could have thrown an act together in no time flat. And you remembered the night at the movie theater. You had been so unnerved by the way she had looked at that guy Karkat. Was there something else going on? There was one way to find out. You pulled out your phone.

“Connie?”

“Eridan, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. You can’t keep doing this to me.”

“Connie, listen.”

“Talk to Heather, you piece of shit.”

“That’s the problem. I think she might be sleeping with someone else.”

♠♡♢♣

Heather Jacobs and Dave Strider are cheating on their boyfriends – with each other!

“It’s Connie,” Eridan growled at the table. “This is exactly what she did to Nepeta, except she’s not waiting for us to break up this time.” You looked between Eridan and Heather. Eridan had been so firm with Connie. He wouldn’t feed Connie lies again, would he? But did that mean Heather was sleeping with Dave?

“Kanaya, you don’t believe her, do you?” Heather asked, shocked. You stopped looking at her so accusingly. Of course she wouldn’t sleep with Dave.

“Of course I don’t,” you scoffed. “I’m just worried that people outside this table might.”

“I’ve asked around a little,” Sollux added, “but everyone I’ve talked to is pretty skeptical. Something about a fight a couple weeks ago.”

“Still, couldn’t hurt to put these rumors to rest,” Heather mused, turning to Dave. “How about it?” He shrugged, and nudged John. The three of them went over to Connie’s table.

Something was wrong with Connie. Ever since the fight with Heather, she had seemed so defeated. It looked like she had put all her energy into the talent show, and now there was none left. She didn’t scream at Heather and Dave, or insist they were sleeping with each other despite the evidence. She just asked them to go away. You almost felt sorry for her.

“Guys… that was so cliché,” Heather says. You didn’t laugh.

Things were much less than perfect.

♠♡♢♣

You’re not held back by promises anymore. There’s no more Heather to protect. You storm up to Eridan full of fury.

“You never told her,” you choke out at him. “You never told her the truth.”

“Kan, I…”

“You just kept lying and lying and I went along with it like a sucker. I should never have kept your secrets. Not when you hurt Nepeta, not even to spare Heather.”

“Kan, listen…”

“You know, I honestly thought you couldn’t fool me, but you did.”

“KAN!” Eridan roars. You stop, and notice that Eridan’s trying to show you something on his phone. You take it from his trembling hand. It was a pesterlog to Heather. Everything was there. Eridan had spilled his guts after all.

“You did tell her,” you say softly. You honestly can’t believe it.

“I was waiting for her to say something when I heard,” he explains. “I don’t know if she even saw it. …Kan, do you think she did see it? Do you think she might have seen it and… and jumped?”

You’re horrified at the thought. “I don’t know, Eridan. I really have no idea. I don’t think she would.”

“I fucked up. I fucked up so many times. I’m so sorry.” You have been waiting a long time to hear Eridan Ampora say that to you.

But you don’t know if you can forgive him now. You don’t even know if you can forgive yourself.

♠♡♢♣

\--caligulasAquarium began pestering glitchedRainbows--

CA: heather  
CA: i havvent been entirely honest wwith you  
CA: nepeta broke up wwith me cause i slept with connie  
CA: i should havve told you a long time ago but i wwas scared  
CA: i wwas scared that you wwouldnt understand  
CA: i almost let it happen again but i couldnt  
CA: cause i couldnt bear the thought of losin you  
CA: i lovve you heather  
CA: i lovve you so much  
CA: please believve me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a slight deviation from the original story.
> 
> Eridan Ampora, as written in Homestuck, is a bad guy. He is the classical tragic villain who cannot get over his flaws, and thus ends up killing the people he loved most, and dies as a consequence. There are a terrifying number of people willing to argue this point to the death. Many people see Eridan purely as a sympathetic character, focusing only on the relatable failures outside of his control rather than the cruel reactions that are completely in his control. Is Glitch one of those people? I don’t know; I didn’t really want to find out. I hope she isn’t.
> 
> In light of this, Eridan has no business playing the role of the “perfect boyfriend.” And this is what drove the rewrite to conclusion. Realizing that nearly everything about the story that seemed redundant could be tied together, nearly all the fluff could be poisoned, with the simple fact that Eridan Ampora is, and always has been, a douchebag.
> 
> What makes it even more convenient is the character of Connie Peixes. In the original “New,” she was labeled as the “bitchy popular girl,” but is more properly labeled as “mentally unstable, possibly dangerous." She is given no reason to believe that Eridan has any interest in her. What on Earth could drive her to believe such an obviously false delusion? Unless….
> 
> Try to find those things about your story. Look at the problems that need solving, and try thinking outside the box for an answer that ties everything together. Look at your characters, and ask yourself what roles they’re best suited for in your story. Eventually, you’ll have that “aha” moment, even if it means changing things in a way you never expected.


	11. You Are

Chapter 11: You Are

The funeral is quiet and simple. It’s the group from school, along with Bro and Heather’s foster parents. They don’t seem angry anymore. When they arrive, Bro stands and embraces them both.

The only one who can seem to bring themselves to say anything is Roxy. “Heather was a true friend. I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re all going to go home tonight and keep wondering how it could have happened, and why it had to. Because we didn’t have Heather long. But she changed our lives in ways we never expected. She left a loving matesprit and a loving moirail behind. And she left us behind, the people she brought closer together. And we’re going to need each other now more than ever. We’re going to miss her so deeply.”

Dirk, Dave, and Eridan are the last to leave the funeral. Dave rests her bo staff by the grave. Eridan leaves roses. Dirk leaves his own flowers, an arrangement in all different colors. A rainbow for Rainbow.

They all stand in the cemetery for a long time. None of them say a word, no consolations or accusations. There will be time for that later. Roxy’s right – now they just need to be there for each other.

♠♡♢♣

And so was laid to rest the Hero of Blood. And the Hero of Rage (though you may have mistaken her for a familiar Hero of Life) lived on.

One of them was a Thief, and the other a Sylph.

Did we bury a Sylph who, with noble wisdom, healed bonds long broken and found unity where there once was none? Or did we bury a Thief who, despite her noblest intentions, left bonds broken in her wake and in truth only found unity where it suited her own purposes?

A better question: does it matter? After all, this Hero never played the game where the roles could be fully realized. In the end, the role Heather Jacobs played may depend entirely on the capacity of those she left behind to accept, to forgive, and to maintain the bonds she forged between them. In a life unbound by the game’s rules, a role is not determined by destiny. It is determined by choices.

You have now heard the story of the Hero of Blood, through her eyes and through the eyes of others. You are no longer Heather Jacobs. You are no longer Dirk Strider, or Kanaya Maryam, or Eridan Ampora, or Dave Strider, or Jane Crocker, or Jake English.

Who Heather Jacobs truly was is now entirely for you to decide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never know how to end a story.
> 
> There are, of course, several ways to do this: you can go out on a satisfying, triumphant note; you can go out on an ambiguous, thought-provoking note; you can go out on a bittersweet, somber note; if you’re planning a sequel, you can go out on a cliffhanger. This is obviously not an extensive list.
> 
> I like ambiguous and thought-provoking. Frustrating as those endings may be, I think they make for interesting stories, and certainly interesting discussions once you’re done.
> 
> In Homestuck, there are twelve trolls with different classes and aspects, but there are only eight kids. The Alpha kids all have different roles than the Beta kids. This leaves four roles open, with a very interesting list of possibilities. Blood, Rage, Mind, Doom. Bard, Mage, Thief, Sylph. Heather was already a Hero of Blood, so that worked out nicely. Connie, once again, was convenient as a Hero of Rage. The Mage of Mind and Bard of Doom aren’t important, but I like to think they’re out there somewhere.
> 
> What’s cool is that this afforded me an opportunity to turn a bug of OC fics into a feature, and let the reader decide what role Heather played, Thief or Sylph. Their interpretation would come down entirely to their reaction to the character.
> 
> Never do this. It’s pretentious and lazy.
> 
> I hope this rewrite has given you some ideas, and maybe even some help with your own fanfiction. There is one last piece of advice I’d like to share with you, though. I think it’s best illustrated by Glitch herself. After I showed her this rewrite, I asked if Heather was always supposed to be a Blood player. She said:
> 
> “And yeah, Heather is a Blood player. I really liked your choice of a Sylph though!!”
> 
> She could not have given me a more perfect answer. In her mind, there is no ambiguity; Heather must be a Sylph, never a Thief. That is someone who is confident in her decisions.
> 
> I hope you can have the same confidence in your writing. Have fun, and good luck!


End file.
